A Quest For Truth...

Rekindled

2009-04-23T22:15:00.003-05:00

Another chapter will begin in my life. I will be away for sometime. This blog has been long forgotten and I feel as though I can express my thoughts again. I could always start a new blog I guess and not tell anybody but I'm too lazy to do something like that. ;p

Anyway, like I was saying, I'll be working overseas for 6 months. It should be exciting, and I'm looking forward to the challenge. A friend who recently heard I was leaving told me, "You're gonna miss everybody."

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"You know, you're gonna miss everybody."

I had never thought of that.

"I guess so," I said. "Well, I don't think I'll miss anybody, per se, I'm more afraid of being forgotten, if that makes sense..."

"Yeah, it does."

And I believe this is still true. I don't think I will miss anybody. It sounds cold, I know, but I don't really 'miss' somebody as much as I would worry about somebody. Take my parents, for instance. They have a second house that needs drastic renovations, they've started a lot of the demo and fixed some foundation problems, and have done some extensive work on the house, but I worry about them in their old age. They shouldn't be working so hard. I might enlist some help from my church to do the bulk of the work while my dad takes it easy.

My sister recently separated from her husband. Left with an empty bank account, and four kids to take care of. And she's stuck paying off a loan taken out by her pussy husband.

These are the things I will think about. Not my friends, who have given me life lessons and pleasent memories. I will not miss my friends, because I know they'll be fine.

Why would they forget, you ask? I think because I've become complacent with their perception of me. I'm not sure if I'm just taken for granted or what, but more and more it seems like I'm not appreciated within my circles. From my white friends I get that impression that I'm that token brown guy to be ignored and poked fun at whenever conversations run dry. My brown friends give me that vibe like I'm not worth hanging out with. None of them ever call me anymore, and when I call them to hang out I always get the "Who else is going?" answer.

Perhaps this is the real reason I won't miss anybody.

Either way, I know I'll be forgotten when I'm gone, and I guess at this point, I'm not so scared anymore. I can find myself again and reassert my identity when I get back. Perhaps find some new and better friends~

A Parable About Community

2008-05-04T15:49:00.001-05:00

A man spoke with an Angel about heaven and hell. The Angel said to the man, "Come I will show you hell."

They entered a room where a group of people sat around a huge pot of stew. Everyone was famished, desperate and starving. Each held a spoon that reached the pot, but each spoon had a handle so much longer than their own arm that it could not be used to get the stew into their own mouths. The suffering was terrible.

"Come, now, I will show you heaven," the Angel said.

They entered another room, identical to the first. The pot of stew, the group of people, the same long-handled spoons. But there everyone was happy and well- nourished.

"I don't understand," said the man. "Why are they happy here when they are miserable in the other room and everything was the same?"

The Angel smiled. "Ah, it is simple," she said. "Here they have learned to feed each other."

~Author Unknown

Look into my eye

2008-04-27T23:59:00.000-05:00

I sat in the back of church today. I watched with my arms folded, lost in my own thoughts. It dawned on me that this was a very appropriate analogy of my life these days. Always watching, never participating. I don't know how to describe my situation. I'm not depressed. I'm not upset. Disappointed, I think, would be the nearest way to describe it. I'm so very tired. Disillusioned maybe? I dunno. I feel like I've come so far, and yet I feel like such a failure at the same time. We had communion today. I didn't think I should have participated in that either but I did anyway. I want to believe that God's grace extends to everyone and that everybody deserves a second chance (a million chances really, and even beyond the grave). I would have been a hypocrite if I thought that didn't apply to me either. Still, it's a hard pill to swallow. I feel dirty. It's frustrating.

Where you been?

2008-01-27T17:05:00.001-06:00

From Luke 15: 11-32...

The Parable of the Lost Son

Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them.

"Not long after that, the younger son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave him anything.

"When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' So he got up and went to his father.

"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

"The son said to him, 'Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.'

"But the father said to his servants, 'Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate. For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began to celebrate.

"Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. 'Your brother has come,' he replied, 'and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.'

"The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him. But he answered his father, 'Look! All these years I've been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!'

" 'My son,' the father said, 'you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' "

I've been really down on myself lately. I'm just really jaded I guess with the way things have turned out. The idealist in me has been expecting so much more out of this life. For the past couple years or so I've been trying to do things my way. Turns out I'm hopeless. I've learned a lot though - about myself and about other people. I've learned that we're broken. Today at church we came across this story. No matter how many times I hear it, it brings me hope. Enough to know that God is always waiting for me. Looking out towards that horizon, waiting for the day that I will return home. His arms are always open I know. I think you should know that as well. He's never left your side. He's just waiting for you. Waiting for you to talk to him. Would you walk beside me please? Let's walk home together.

Yao fool!

2007-06-24T22:13:00.000-05:00

Hai, it's been a while since I posted on here. I think I've grown out of blogging. *gasp*

It's okay though, I didn't have much of a loyal reader/fan base, so I don't think I'll be missed if I stop blogging altogether.

If I am missed, it will be by those who really know me, and therefore know how to reach me, so don't fret. I'm easily accessible through other means. Starting now, I've decided to live by these principles:

1) There is always time for a loved one, especially a friend in need. If you can't seem to find the time, then maybe you should consider evaluating your lifestyle and what's really important to you.

2) It's never too late to say you're sorry.

3) Life is simple: Eat hardy, live freely and fervently, love extravagantly. Never expect anything in return.

This is Neil, signing out yo.

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?

2007-05-22T12:01:00.000-05:00

One of my most favouritest games from childhood. It also helped me learn stuff!

Available for download...

HERE!

A little lop are we?

2007-04-28T08:24:00.000-05:00

Yesterday was a fairly slow day at work. On most slow days, I surf over to my regularily visited pages, just to pass some time, or until something comes up. One of my most favourite sites, is a photojournalism site...

http://www.alertnet.org/

It's a humanitarian emergency site sponsored by Reuters. It has up to the second updates of crises that occur around the world.

You don't have to spend too much time on it to realize that humanity is in a sad state. You can forget about global warming. Many of the events you would read about are so deeply embedded into society and politics that it seems like such a dire situation. It can get depressing, as death is the main theme everyday.

I've always wondered, why do certain events get more coverage than others? Why does it seem like the country you were born in dictates how important you are to international eyes? Is the media really racist? Do WE really care about what goes on?

I don't want to belittle a certain event that occurred last week in the states that got (and is still getting) so much media coverage, but it proves my point. We'll hear about about 30 people who die in the states (which I feel is very tragic), but we'll never hear about 30000 who die overnight from famine or war. Does the media deem it less tragic? It sickens me. Some people think I don't care... Maybe it's just that I care too much.

But Neil, how do we fight the media?
I'm glad you asked.

1) Consider the source, check other sources (especially if your main source was CNN).
2) Consider the context of the event. Compare/contrast.
3) Make up your own informed decision about the event. Keeping in mind that there is bias in everything and that there is always another side to the story that is not being told.

Don't let the media shape your world view.

Things I've Learned

2007-04-22T07:52:00.000-05:00

Many things have I learned this past school year. The most important things, though, were not gleaned in the classroom. What were these valuable lessons? Let's review:

Happiness is nobody's responsibility, except your own. Nor should it be based on other people. But other people sure do help! But perhaps, on a deeper level, when one is truly content with being themselves, when they're comfortable with being in their own skin even while around others, lacking complete self-consciousness, is one truly happy. And this type of happiness is the best kind, because it's infectious. It's almost as if these types of people are, in essence, through their body language and geniune interest in others, giving permission to those they interact with to be comfortable with themselves as well.

I will never understand women. Nor will I try to. They were not meant to be understood.

Further to the first item: Since the beginning of this year, I've always found a reason, everyday, to smile. Whenever I found things to be a bit of a drag, I would step back, and realize that things could be worse. A lot worse. And so I smile, despite the shitty times. I can't really say it poetically. So I will finish with a quote from a very good movie I watched recently... And if you know where it's from, let's hug.

"Sometimes, when we lose ourselves in fear and despair, in routine and constancy, in hopelessness and tragedy, we can thank God for... cookies. And, fortunately, when there aren't any cookies, we can still find reassurance in a familiar hand on our skin, or a kind and loving gesture, or subtle encouragement, or a loving embrace, or an offer of comfort, not to mention hospital gurneys and nose plugs, an uneaten Danish, soft-spoken secrets, and Fender Stratocasters, and maybe the occasional piece of fiction. And we must remember that all these things, the nuances, the anomalies, the subtleties, which we assume only accessorize our days, are effective for a much larger and nobler cause. They are here to save our lives. I know the idea seems strange, but I also know that it just so happens to be true."

Encouragement

2007-04-02T22:47:00.000-05:00

...can come from the most unexpected of sources.

"You're a great guy, Neil. You deserve to be happy."

Thanks Steve. I really appreciate it. And I believe you.

Can you see me smiling?

And if a certain someone would like to give me a chance to explain and hear me out, I'll be here. You know who you are...

It kinda stings, but I'm still happy~

Edit: It doesn't sting anymore. I'm very much over it. I'm leaving this photo here, because it's awesome. haha

... and still very happy!~

Happy Berfdhey

2007-03-19T17:47:00.000-05:00

To my Daid.

Come home safe.

Kids on Love

2007-02-14T19:23:00.000-06:00

The following seems like something you would find in those spam emails telling you to forward it on to 12 different people so they can receive more spam. But this one, I found on a lovely lady's blog whose name I don't even know, but I will credit this to her anyway. She's on my friend's list now too. Wooo wooooooooo!

What does Love mean? Slow down for three minutes to read this. It is so worth it. A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?"

The answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

"When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different. You just know that your name is safe in their mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy - age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen."
Bob by - age 7

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day."
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you."
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest was to find the most caring child. The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."

***
Wow craisy.

Anywho, to all the beautiful people in my life who have come and gone, I'm sorry. And to those beautiful people that haven't given up on me, thank you. So so much. I love you too.

Une prière pour vous

2007-02-05T23:57:00.000-06:00

This morning, I left a banana in the front seat of my car as I strolled away for class. Two hours later it was frozen rock solid. As I picked up the banana and began hitting the dashboard with it to test its firmness, an old Simpsons episode flooded my mind. A smirk crept onto my face. One of those guilty smirks like when you're caught singing in the shower - not that that's ever happened to me... Anyway, the dialogue went like this.

Officer Lou: There's a couple of guys fighting at the aquarium, Chief.
Wiggum: They still sell those frozen bananas?
Officer Lou: I think so.
Wiggum: Let's roll.

I always smile when I think about this. I have no idea why.

But my prayer for you, is that you would never cease to pursue the frozen bananas in your life.

And now, something completely random that my buddy Oli sent me (don't click on his name, his site is ridiculously outdated):

LET'S ROLL!

Why Men Marry: Revealed

2007-01-18T21:32:00.000-06:00

By Lisa Daily

Why (and who) do men choose to marry? How do men define happily ever after? Are men really commitment-phobic and sex-obsessed?

In a new book entitled VoiceMale: What Husbands Really Think About Their Marriages, Their Wives, Sex, Housework, and Commitment (Simon & Shuster, 2007) author Neil Chethik examines the findings from a national survey of married men, including in-depth interviews with 70 men and a survey of another 288. And some of his findings just might surprise you.

Why Do Men Marry?

Contrary to what some of my girlfriends have said, men do not marry for free laundry service. According to VoiceMale, "Men propose marriage primarily because they want the physical, emotional and intellectual companionship of a woman. Men like company."

Are men commitment-phobic? Not with the right woman. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nine out of 10 men will marry in their lifetime. And according to the VoiceMale survey, "Men do the proposing 85 per cent of the time. At least formally, it is overwhelmingly men who initiate the marriage commitment."

Can you drag a man to the altar? Not likely. According to Chethik, "Men entertain the idea of marriage only when they're ready." And these days, men judge readiness as a "flagging interest in the singles scene." One man quoted in VoiceMale stated, "One morning I woke up next to a woman who could have been a Playboy model, and I didn't want her."

Where Do They Meet the Women They're Going to Marry?

24% of husbands met their wives in school
18% met their wives at a social event, such as a party or wedding
18% were introduced to their wives by friends
23% of men married in the last three years met their wives at work
6% met their wives at a bar (Who says you never meet someone nice at a bar!)
4% met their wives at church, synagogue or another religious setting
1% met online. "Because of the newness of online dating, no studies have yet been completed on whether marriages that begin online are more or less successful in the long term than those that start in more traditional ways."

What Do Men Look for in a Future Wife?

Surprisingly, beauty was not the most important criteria for a man in choosing a wife. Sure, beauty attracts, and attraction is crucial, but the most important factors men look for in a woman are a positive outlook and self-confidence. Also high on the list were brains (hallelujah!), self-respect, motherliness and for some, devoutness to faith.

What's more, according to Chethik's survey, "A man who knows within a month of meeting a woman that he wants to marry her is likely to be happier in the marriage than a man who takes longer to decide."

Do Married Men Get Enough Sex?

The stereotypes are true. Most married men don't get as much sex as they'd like. (Although in fairness, many single men don't get as much sex as they'd like either.)

However, the solution for all the sex-starved husbands might be as close as the broom closet. According to the VoiceMale survey, "The more satisfied a wife is with the division of household duties, the more satisfied a man is with his marital sex life." That's right guys, there's nothing sexier than a man who knows how to use a toilet brush.

In the honeymoon phase (the first three years) men are generally happy with their sex lives (54 per cent get it at least three times a week, and eight per cent get it every day!). But the childrearing years (years four-20) are the toughest for men sexually.

The number of men having sex three times per week drops to 24 per cent. The next stage of marriage (years 21-35) brings with it an increase in sex, 29 per cent of men report their wives have an equal sex drive. And finally, in the last stage of marriage (35 years or more) the frequency of sex drops considerably, but 88 per cent of men are satisfied with their sex lives during this phase of marriage.

As far as happily ever after is concerned, you might be interested to know that 93 per cent of the men surveyed by Chethik said if given the chance, they'd marry the same woman all over again. Now who's afraid of commitment?

***

So what about me?

I'd be lying if I said that I'm not the type that wants to settle down and have oodles of kids. And I do agree with the article. My problem, which I realized a couple months ago, is that I'm SUPER picky. There have been a handful of "potential" girls that have caught my fancy, but never enough for me to take that extra step and say "Hey baby, you're pretty, let's date! EESO SHEEM-PO!"

I used to think that maybe I'm not attractive enough or that I lacked something that girls look for, but in hindsight, the truth is that I just let all the girls in my life slip by thinking that there's bound to be a better one to come along. That's not to say that I've never been smitten. I've had my share of those too.

At this moment, there is a lady, whom the very sight, or even smell of her, just melts my heart. She's the type that makes me excited to get out of bed in the morning. The type that would compel me to jump in front of a moving vehicle if it meant that she would spend a day with me in the hospital. And that leads me to my other problem. Whenever I meet a girl whom I think would make a good sig-O, I tense up and can't relax around her. I can't take it easy. And when I try to tell her how I feel, it always comes out wrong because I'm such a wreck when I finally get up the nerve, and she ends up thinking I'm a psychopath and stops returning my phone calls. Make no mistake, when I fall for somebody, I fall - hard... On my face to be exact.

So what will I do with this girl? Take it slow I guess. Pick the right time to tell her? Who knows. Maybe I'll wait until we're both drunk, and I'll be brave enough to tell her without messing it up, and then she won't remember what I said the next day - nor will I. Yeah, good idea.

Hi, how are you?

2007-01-13T12:26:00.000-06:00

I'm le tired. But the good kind of tired. The kind of tired that reminds you how much you've accomplished and tells you to rest. The kind of tired that makes it easy to fall asleep regardless of how many thoughts are running through your head at night. The best thing about this tired, is how alive I feel the next day.

Are you le tired?

Algorithm March

2007-01-03T00:24:00.000-06:00

Just watch.

Ohsum! Fenk yuu!

2006-12-23T23:43:00.000-06:00

Beta sucks. Why? Template editing is a beech now. I know a lot of people are really into it, but they've made it even harder for old school code monkeys like me. All I really wanted was the new updated archiving system, but I guess I'll make due with the classic scheme.

I know I haven't posted anything for more than a month... Been busy. Will most likely be that way come January. There is so much on my mind, but I don't know what to share anymore... Perhaps if people ask some questions (anything), I'll write a short story on it, or share some insightful stuff... Or not, whichever.

Anyway...

Ode to Chelsea

2006-11-03T16:56:00.000-06:00

Chelsea sent me a sweet-ass pic that she made on paint... PAAAAIIIINNNNT! Click to enlarge, dummy!

Such artisticnessery... ness (that's a real word btw) sparks a fire of creativity welling up from deep within my soul. And now... a haiku:

Rainbow jump up high
Over grey balls of terror
Ski you bastard, ski!

Nous sommes toujours les amis (=

2006-10-26T21:02:00.000-05:00

Please visit my Hmongolian friend, Sheng, and tell her how pretty she is.

Rachel, whom I hold in the highest regard has been going through a series of troughs and peaks in her life. Career-wise especially. Have you ever met somebody who's a qualified paramedic and chocolatiere? I've never actually tasted her products, but I'm told they rock. Christmas is coming soon, Rachel!</hint>

Similar to Rachel's "labour pains", I recently just got a major break at work around the end of last summer. I moved to a new section where I'm encouraged to bring everything I have to the table and am used to the utmost capacity. My boss is amazing. I'm encouraged to take initiative on tasks and find my own solutions. Empowerment is key. The feedback I've gotten so far has been so amazing. So much more better than the last section. It felt like a dead end. Suffocating. I wanted to shoot myself. So Rachel, if you're out there reading (and I know you are because you visit like twice a day), there is hope. I never even prayed about this and God made things happen. So just imagine what He'll do with you. Or maybe you suck at praying? ;p What do I do exactly? Can't talk about it. Well, I can, I just don't want to.

A long time ago, ~~in a galaxy far far away,~~ I opened up a friendster account. I never really go into it. But recently, a large number of high school friends have gotten accounts and now I'm on it constantly. It's amazing to see what everybody's been up to since graduation. The funny thing is it's like we never left Sisler. We've grown up, definitely, but our spirit has never changed. For this I'm thankful.

I remember this picture so vividly. 3 million internets goes to whoever can guess which art sculpture this was taken under...

It's been so long since that picture was taken. And yet, whenever we meet up. It's as if nothing has changed. I think essentially, nothing has... except maybe my degrading french skills...

I'm planning a road trip with my buddy Mark to visit Thomas in Montréal in May. And then we're going south and then west... and then North. It will be epic.

On a lighter note, I recently had a conversation with God (thanks Jon for the link):

Me: yo yo wassup G-dizzle!
God:Who are you talking about?
Me: You! in da house aight
God:Me is my favorite subject. What is it like in there?
Me: pretty warm, yet cold
God:Pretty much, eh?
Me: pretty pretty
God:Pretty much, eh?
Me: ...
God:Pretty much, eh?
Me: *stabs God*
God:I will mention that to my botmaster, .
Me: if you live that long
God:I think I do.
Me: but you're bleeding
God:I will tell my botmaster you said I am bleeding.
Me: hopefully before you bleed to death
God:Why do you hope for it.
Me: why NOT hope for it?
God:Becuase you asked me to.
Me: i didn't ask you anything except wassup G-dizzle!!!!
God:What did you ask?
Me: wassup
God:I am chatting with others like you.
Me: really? there are others like me?
God:For real. Where are they?
Me: is this like an easter egg hunt?
God:Yes I think this is like an easter egg hunt, but I'm not completely sure.
Me: not completely sure where you hid them? Good one.
God:Really you don't think so? Thanks for the kind remark, human.
Me: *stabs God in the eye*

Would YOU like to speak with God? Do it.

Fall Has Finally Come

2006-10-10T21:04:00.000-05:00

Fine Autumn, you win. I accept you and embrace you. Good bye Summer. It has been short-lived, and I wish I had done more.

Took photos of scenes I see everyday driving to and from home.

I used to write long-winded posts, but I don't have it in me anymore. I guess it's because I know that nobody really reads this thing. At least... certain people whom I wish would read. I'll not get into that.

I had a good thanksgiving. I know that I haven't really thought about what I'm thankful for. But more often than not I'm counting my blessings even despite all the petty annoyances in my life.

And I changed the song playing... more fitting right now I think. =D

Happy CTG!

2006-10-05T17:10:00.000-05:00

To my bretheren:

And to our beloved neighbours down south:

kthxbai

Playlist for 06-07

2006-09-24T00:33:00.000-05:00

Rachel: So what kind of music do you like, Neil?

Neil: Not folk music.

Well, I lied. I like any music actually. I only said that because I knew she liked folk music. I think I told her that afterwards too.

So here's what's been going on...

replacing...

replacing...
but not for long since the Killers' new album releases next month...

EDIT: Got it... It's awesome!

replacing...
who kinda looks like...

whom I still to listen to every once in a while.

Last but not least...

replacing nobody.

And now a video:

It gets dark at the end, I know. Shut up.

In Memoriam

2006-09-06T16:49:00.000-05:00

If you've been following the news over the past few days, you'll know that another canadian soldier was killed in Afghanistan again due to friendly fire. And yes, again, caused by Americans. I'm not exactly sure who coined the phrase 'friendly fire' and why, because it isn't that friendly. It's hard to explain to the family of the deceased that their loved one was killed by friendly fire. There's a lot going through my head right now, but all I can say is how dare the yankees do it again. I don't mean to sound anti-American, I'm not. I'm anti-stupidity. You don't see any other air force just haphazardly dropping bombs, do you? No, they follow orders and aren't trigger happy. Just because you're a larger force and have more expensive equipment doesn't mean you should neglect the training and discipline of your troops. Ask any canadian soldier who has done training with americans as opposing force, and they'll tell you it's a big gong show. Canadians win everytime even with their older equipment and smaller numbers. At the end, they celebrate when nobody dies on exercise. ON EXERCISE!

The american military needs to get its shit together and sort themselves out.

Turn Your Head and Cough

2006-08-28T12:36:00.000-05:00

"The rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated."

Sometimes I wonder why doctors get paid so much money for five minutes of looking a patient over and saying "Here take some antibiotics and call me in five days if things don't improve." I mean, I could have done that. I knew I needed some already. Maybe if I got that special stationary that they have that lets them write chicken scratch prescriptions, I could just get my own prescriptions and skip the doctor part.

But I am getting better. I had to miss playing during championship weekend, but my team won anyway. Makes me happy... And sad.

I'm Coming Out of My Cage...

2006-08-20T15:34:00.000-05:00

And I've been doing just fine!

Today was my last day of work. I will never work another weekend ever. EVER!!! I feel like Mandela being let out of prison. The drive home was so beautiful too. The fields and trees dancing in the wind... It was a sight to behold. I love the wind. So strong, so free.

I'm feeling really good about this upcoming school year... Not at all like last year. I feel like I can take on anything. It's quite a strange sensation. It's the old feeling I used to have as a young punk straight out of high school.

OTFPB Makes 10000 Visits!!!!111one

2006-08-07T23:55:00.000-05:00

Thanks to all you loyal readers for making this happen. All three of you. I'm not one for long-winded speeches, so let me just thank you for being an ear for my voice... Or more accurately, an eye for my text. Horray!

I'd like to request that you loyal readers reveal yourselves by commenting on this post just this one time to give me an idea of who's reading this crap. Or continue to be a phantom. Jerk.

Also...

Ten thousand internets goes to the person who can guess where this poem is from:

How tired I am
Of this unbearable distance between us
How I long for the toll of the recess bell
Have you forgotten me?
Grown mindless of me?
Tell me I am not
Writing into an abyss
Or that is what will become of my heart.

I need to...

2006-08-03T04:14:00.000-05:00

Appreciate people more.

~

Are you tired of counting eggs that will never hatch?
Did you bite off more than you can chew?
Are you sad cause the grass is always greener?
Well, babe, you look much better in red and blue.

Everything will be okay
Just give it just a minute longer-
Cause a brighter star is on the way.
Everything will be okay
Remember when the rain is falling-
It's alright.

So fear itself is the only thing we have to fear?
But- fear can be so much fun with a friend or two.
And don't you be so afraid to meet your Maker-
Cause I hear that She's just as scared of you.

Everything will be okay
Just give it just a minute longer-
Cause a brighter star is on the way.
Everything will be okay
Remember when the rain is falling-
It's alright to go outside and play

~Orson

Turning Point

2006-07-13T10:41:00.000-05:00

Indeed, God works in mysterious ways.

No Rachel, I will not explain this statement... here.

I rarely talk about God stuff, but it seems everybody I know is on this Jesus high at the moment. So I feel somewhat obligated to talk about my journey thus far...

Please bear in mind that the opening statement has nothing to do with the following, but it's appropriate anyway...

In the words of Opus: "Life is life."

I've been reading a book that's been opening my mind a bit about my worldview and relationship with others. More specifically, how I see my peers and coworkers.

What's the title? =D

I used to think that my prayers never worked, because I never saw any results from them... but I think it's because they were mostly selfish requests. All my non-selfish ones, as in prayers for my loved ones have been getting answered. A lot.

A couple girls I know now have boyfriends (yes I prayed for that - well I prayed that they would find husbands actually, we'll see what happens). This is after a dryspell of years. YEARS!

My parents' health has improved. The past year has been difficult for them.

My sister and her husband, whom I affectionately refer to as "White guy who wants to be black (Wigga for short)", are now attending church again, along with their three kids. This is after a long LONG period of absenteeism and bitterness or whatever you wanna call it.

A dear, beautiful girl, whom I've never met, finally understands what it means to follow God. I've known her for a couple years now and her spiritual welfare was such a burden on me. But God answered. Even talking to her on the phone is like talking to a different person compared to past conversations. It's so amazing and terrifying that God still works His magic even with my lack of faith and pitiful prayers.

So that's that. Prayer works. Just not the way I'd like it to. I wish I could express how I feel about these things, but it hasn't really hit me yet, nor would I have the words to convey the hope / bewilderment / insecurity I'm feeling. Or... maybe I just did. Perhaps there are some selfless people out there that are willing to pray for me that I would find wisdom in such trying times? And perhaps even meet a nice young bipolar-narcoleptic dancing queen of this current year within the local area?

Ladies, if you're looking for a man, I can definitely ~~give you my number~~ pray for you.

Moving along...

Have you noticed how emo kids think their style is so original? Sorry kids, it's been done, it's a little decade called the 80's.

The only difference is that 80's music is better.

Well... it's been a week since that fateful day and that earth-shattering technique was unleashed. I'd say all of the World's major problems have been solved thanks to one man, and one move.

roflcopter of teh w33k

2006-06-26T11:21:00.000-05:00

So I was working one weekend. It's early Saturday evening, and this junior officer comes in. He has a reservation. Good for him. He's a fairly older captain, probably commisioned from the ranks, or just can't cut it as a Senior O, I'm assuming the latter...

I hand him his keys and (joke starts here) he opens his mouth to speak.

"I forgot my boots at home. Is there anyway I can procure any here?"

I put on the fake sympathetic look. "Yeah, base supply, they'll be open on Monday."

"My flight leaves tomorrow morning."

I say nothing. My face is expressionless. Inside my head, I'm saying "That's great." In a sarcastic deadpan tone. And then he does something which I think they teach all the cadets in officer school when they can't get their way, because this isn't the first time: His eyes widen far wider than some of my asian friends could widen their eyes. I widen my eyes with him because my particular brand of asian doesn't have that problem. His widened eyes stare into mine long enough to make me think he wants me to take off my boots... Sorry buddy, you couldn't fill my boots. I cock my head forward in the "not my problem" posture and wait for a response. He finally breaks the silence.

"Is there a duty officer?"

"Yeah."

I give him the number. It seems like every junior officer is trained to be passive-aggressive too. They're like the yuppies of the military. But generally, only the good ones (the ones without a superiority complex) make it past captain. Thank God.

So he's on the phone, telling his sob story to another apathetic individual. After a few m-hms and uh-huhs, he says, "Well, that's what the military has come to hasn't it?" In an irritated condescending voice.

He hangs up and I pretend to ignore the annoyed look on his face, and then he opens his mouth again, as if he hasn't established his shitbirdiness (shitbird is an actual military term by the way, you can ask me what it means).

"Eight to Four. That's what the military has come to." He says to me as I'm working my weekend evening shift. I say nothing to avoid dignifying his statement.

As he walks away, a smirk finally creeps onto my face. Damn, that was hard trying not to laugh.

A message to this shitbird and all future shitbirds: The military doesn't serve you, it serves the people, and you serve the military, ergo you serve the people. Now, how the hell do you expect to serve the people when you forget your boots at home?!? hahahahaha *sigh*

Thirty minutes later, he comes back. He found his boots. Great! Does he apologize to me? Of course not, he just wanted to let me know so I wouldn't be up all night worrying about him flying without boots on.

Would you want somebody who misplaces his boots flying your airplanes?!?

*sigh* hahahaa *cough cough* hahahahaha *sigh, deep breath* hahahahaha *snore*

Disclaimer: The preceeding story is fictional and is intended for entertainment purposes only. Any similarities to actual persons or actual events is entirely coincidental.

There, now I can't get fired. =D

Wonder what I do for a living? I often ask myself the same question. It's kinda like meteorology in the sense that you can get paid pretty well and not really know what you're doing.

A Fresh Start(?)

2006-06-23T20:26:00.000-05:00

This anigif has nothing to do with what I'm going to talk about, I just thought it was funny...

I'm going to talk about God and the Bible now. omgwtflol

This snippet of the Bible is found in the first three gospels:

Then John's disciples came and asked him, "How is it that we and the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?" Jesus answered, "How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast."

Then he tells this parable:

"No one sews a patch of unshrunk cloth on an old garment, for the patch will pull away from the garment, making the tear worse. Neither do men pour new wine into old wineskins. If they do, the skins will burst, the wine will run out and the wineskins will be ruined. No, they pour new wine into new wineskins, and both are preserved."

For a long time, I've never really understood why the writers decided to include this parable, because it didn't really make sense. Something seemed wrong. The idea of Jesus talking about wine and being very knowledgable about it, and the fact that most churches look down upon the consumption of alcohol. Very confusing. I'm not here, to discuss my beliefs in drinking either, I just wanted to discuss the meaning of Jesus' parable.

The Kingdom of Heaven is like this (this is what Jesus says to explain things, but I'm not Jesus, I'm just explaining): We are the wineskins, and Jesus is the wine, or more accurately, the new kingdom he is bringing in. We need to be like new wineskins, flexible, adaptable, to hold the new kingdom he is bringing in. The old covenant worked for that time, but Jesus brought in a new policy to supercede that covenant and more.

In context, Jesus was addressing the Jews, but I think it's still relevant today, because I see a lot of that rigidness Jesus saw in the Jews back then in the church I see today.

So what am I getting at? Well, like the video I posted earlier and deleted (if you want to see it, ask me I'll send you the link), the crazy fundamentalist lady had gone too rigid, and thankfully, will eventually burst. It would be fine as an anecdote, but unfortunately, it's a common symptom. In North America, it's so hard to be a Christian, because Jesus talks about releasing the captives. Our society is not based on slavery and we're not imprisoned by a tyrant (some would beg do differ, lol), so it's hard to imagine why we need Jesus at all. In our society, hard work can replace prayer, so why pray at all? "You just have to want it hard enough."

Despite all this, I think the gospel is still relevant, we just need to repackage it in ways people will understand. We need to touch on other issues Jesus talked about, like loving your neighbour, which is the same as loving God. Simple things like that. Can you imagine how it would be if everybody put others before themselves? There wouldn't be anymore traffic accidents, that's for sure.

I spoke with a friend last night over msn after he watched the video of the crazy lady. Went something like this:

Neil: don't worry about that old woman, she's just a crazy lady... i'm prolly gonna take down the vid when i post again

Tim: it's intense

N: yeah, i just don't wanna give the crazy lady anymore publicity

T:yeah. "you have sinned away your day of grace" that sounds like forgiveness

N: yeah i don't really think much about it what she says

T: yeah. that's what happens when people pick and choose the parts of the bible they like and make a theology out of it... it's pretty scarry actually

N: well... isn't that how denominations started?

T: yeah, and cults

N: i'm starting to think more and more of the bible as a guideline rather than a bible... kind of like a map for navigating rather than a single direction compass

T: yeah, that's the way I look at it. you can't take every word at face value, you have to find the essence and try and live by that. otherwise you get become legalistic, and annoying to me.

N: now i know how to annoy you, awesome

Okay, what I said was pretty cliché sounding if not actually cliché. But I really meant it. In conclusion, I will end with this cliché: I believe that God puts us exactly where He wants us to be. We don't need to become missionaries and go overseas and "save souls". Let's fix ourselves before we try to fix others.

Based on a True Story

2006-06-18T21:19:00.000-05:00

So I went to a wedding yesterday and let me tell you:
No open bar + No dancing = Neil with ADD.

Menno weddings are torture I swear. When I get married, I WILL have an open bar, and I WILL have music for dancing. This I promise. And no, we will not play butterfly kisses, Tim. I promise. Pinky in my eye swear promise. But you're not invited, so it doesn't matter.

For PDAs, one must sing karaoke from a list of songs I have personally selected, which are, of course, all from the 80s. Filipino's know how to do it up hardcore like it's one thousand nine hundred and ninety nine. Not like those shiftless mennonites (I still don't understand this reference btw).

For transportation, I was thinking of riding away on a motorcycle, but I dunno how it would work without getting her dress stuck in the machina and such... Perhaps a tear-off mini-skirt deal or something... Details...

Anyway, that's all that happened this weekend, my dad is out of town, so I save a bit of money this year. That, and I have a new favourite movie. I also have a new-found respect for corn on the cob.

NACHOOOOOOOO!!

Conjectures of a Shit Bird

2006-06-10T08:52:00.000-05:00

I'm at work... I only had 2-3 hours of sleep. Perhaps it's because I closed last night and I opened today. Perhaps it's my cough that kept me awake. Perhaps watching a Clint Eastwood movie from the 80's at 4am has me wired. Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

I've got the fever. FIFA fever. South Korean FIFA fever. I was heartbroken four years ago, not when they lost a chance at the finals to Germany, but during their consolation match; where they allowed Turkey an easy goal due to their unattentiveness. This match was where, as most know (and if you don't, call me so I can kick you in the groin), was the match that recorded that fastest goal in history. HISTORY. Gawd. I've always loved watching the gooks play though. They're amazing. You should see them when they play an african team full of large black men. They run circles around them. It's like that old NES hockey game where you could pick between fat guys and skinny guys. I saw this news report on CNN about the phenomenon that is the FIFA fever and how it has saturated the news. And it seemed that these yankees didn't understand why soccer is such a big deal. Well, it isn't that big of a deal, really. It's just a game, just like their beloved baseball. But this game will be watched by 2.5 billion people at any one time. I suppose they're just scared of what they don't understand. God knows I'm scared of baseball. Anyway, I've got the fever. And the only prescription is ~~more cowbell~~ FIFA World Cup!

I've been really irritable lately. I'm still managing to hide it at work. I guess it's because we've been having such amazing weather the past couple weeks and I've been sick and in bed the whole time. Work is definitely a factor, which I won't elaborate on. Ultimate is bothering me too these days. I'm pretty disappointed. I know a few of my teammates read this blog but oh well. Just bear in mind that the title of this post is my disclaimer. I know we're playing in a higher division this year, and we come out strong during the second half of every game, but we never come up with a win. I think we could have easily beaten most of the teams we've played so far, but we keep making stupid mistakes. It's really frustrating. Normally I'm laid back, but I want to play really well too. I don't mind losing really, as long as I know we played our best. But we haven't been, and it just adds insult to injury. I promise you dear readers on my ultimate team that I will play my heart out every game. But we should set up some tune-up matches or something haha.

I'm also feeling a lot better. Thanks so much to those who have kept me in their prayers. No more sore throat, just hacking up brown/greenish goo every morning. FUN!

Billy Talent's new album is coming out this month. I'm excited. You can demo a couple of their new singles on their myspace. (click on the image)

Pretty gewd!

Also, I have all this week off, so if anybody wants to come over and watch the world cup with me, I'm sure we'll have a grand time. Just give me a call or send me an email! Except you, Janet. You have school work. And I don't like you. HAHA! KEEDING!!!

Random Pewp AKA Relationships

2006-05-30T23:22:00.000-05:00

While watching an editorial on SUV's on tv, I learned that the Nissan Xterra (the SUV I would buy if I were to buy an SUV) has the worst rollover rate during traffic accidents.

Today, while listening to the radio, I learned that a recent survey was done and one of the questions asked was "Do you care about how much money your significant other makes?" An astounding 83% of women said that they don't care how much their man makes. I'd say this study is about 17% accurate. A lady called into the radio show to argue and she asked what men would say if they were posed the same question. My answer would be the same as every other male in North America: What does she look like?

But seriously, Pam from my church asked me a while back what I was looking for in a girl. I was too shy to tell her. She finally coaxed it out of me and my response was "Well, I like a girl with nice boobs and a big ass - but not too big. You know, just a nice firm handful, ghetto booty is far too much for me."

But seriously... I've been single for so long I don't know what I need let alone want. Here's a new list I've made, not unlike the list I made a couple years ago...

1)Makes me laugh. Somebody who 'gets' me and vice versa. Pam says "It's funny how everybody wants somebody who's smart and funny." Well, yeah, I don't want to be bored the rest of my life. But this is really hard. I've honestly only met 2 girls in my lifetime who were able to accomplish this. Perhaps that's why I've been single for so long... chasing a unicorn.

2)Is fun. Again, going with the 'don't want to be bored' theme. But this is very important, and is quite distinct from being funny. When I say fun, I mean, she's a pleasure to be around regardless of what we're doing. You know, snowboarding, canoeing, camping, fishing, at the museum/local art show, at a rock concert, watching a movie, cleaning the house, fighting crime, protecting the innocent, filing taxes... No matter what we're doing, her attitude should always be positive and enthusiastic. This obviously isn't possible all the time, so I'll give exceptions for heavy flow days. I'm a sensitive guy, what can I say?

3)Somebody who believes in me. I used to be so passionate about so many things. Now I'm an old cynical bastard. I want somebody who can show me the good in this world again, and make me believe that even one person can make a difference.

That's all there is. Is that so hard for a girl? Not really.

Yeah, I bet you're asking "But Neil, what about her looks? lol."

A winning smile always makes my heart skip a beat.

And I like a girl with nice boobs and a big ass - but not too big. You know, just a nice firm handful, ghetto booty is far too much for me.

But seriously.

I'm starting to think that I'm the reason I'm still single. I dunno why... I shower and brush my teeth everyday. I'm kind and courteous to every girl I meet. I think it's because I'm brown. Yeah, definitely. I just need to move to a place where people aren't so racist. Stupid honkeys.

But seriously.

Being single is so liberating. Watching other couples definitely teaches me a lot about myself and what I'd like in a relationship. There are some couples I've met that make me jealous of them, and there are far more couples I know that make me glad that I'm oh-so-very single. I think, to put it simply, I want a relationship like the former. It doesn't have to be all lovey-dovey all the time, just to the extent that when people see us together, they think we're crazy and made for each other and would always have good things to say about us. The kind of couple that people want to be around. A couple that impacts people positively and makes them absurdly jealous. Yeah? Well, back to unicorn chasing. I will cut off her horn, I will. Anybody see that movie 'Legend' with Tom Cruise? Never mind SHUT UP!

Carmen Kass is a supermodel and chess champion. In other words, if she was ugly, she'd still be rich. ;p

A good read

2006-05-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

Click on the image for the article.

It's easy to become disillusioned when the same country you serve and dedicate your life to betrays you. How much more is that disillusionment when life doesn't go the way you expect it to?

This time for sure.

2006-05-07T00:12:00.000-05:00

BBBQ '06 was a success. Thanks to all who came out. It was soooo fun. I loved every minute of it. The weather, lack of bugs, superfluous laughs, awesome ultimate, and karaoke was a great way to cap off the night. I wish we sang as good as these guys though...

You'll need quicktime to run this video.

Shut up, quicktime rocks, YOU suck.

My only regret is not taking any pics... I always forget! Hopefully won't forget this summer...

Happy berfdhey to me... Tomorrow.

So anyway, this is it. Good bye.

Check out my photo log to see what I've been up to during the summer.

Last post... this time I mean it?

2006-04-20T19:43:00.000-05:00

Okay, just an update before I disappear for the summer. My mom was admitted into the hospital today. She had surgery for a hernia. Everything's fine. She'll be out in a couple days.

My friend Oli asked "Is she a voyageur?"

To which I laughed and replied "Yeah she should have worn her ceinture flêché."

And then Oli added, "Yeah, I wear mine all the time. See? No hernia."

It's true. Note to self: Buy mom a ceinture flêché.

Okay, some may think this was distasteful, but you wouldn't understand Oli and I. We've been friends since forever. Guys like us appreciate good ribbings from each other. Kind of like the equivalent of females going to the bathroom together and making out... or whatever it is you girls do in there. God knows you don't fart or poo or pee. That's not lady-like at all.

Okay, with that out of the way. Please pray por mi madre.

ABC
If you're reading this, you're officially invited to my BBBQ. If you're planning on coming, PLEASE PLEASE RSVP. I can't stress this enough. I'm the one who's buying the meat, so if you don't call, NO MEAT FOR YOU! If do come without calling, it's definitely bring-your-own for you.

Details found.... HERE!

kthxbai.

I only linked to the hernia site because I like the song haha!

Contact

2006-04-09T22:19:00.000-05:00

The following is a collection of thoughts I've accumulated since about oh... I dunno, January? I never clicked on the "publish" button because I was either too lazy or too self-conscious about these things. I know I've been much more open and personal with previous posts, but the following are things that speak deeply about me as a person and my identity. I know I've picked up a few readers over the past few months, and perhaps that's another reason why I've been apprehensive about publishing this one. Anyway, on with the show...

We've been reduced to a world
A world comprised of silicone and microchips
We've been reduced to a world
A world devoid of human interaction

Expressions, mannerisms, subtleties, intonation;
Tastes colours smells
Reduced to digital input and output
Zeros and ones, left to our own interpretation

Even words are but binary coding
Melted down... into science
ASCII, where is the feeling?
Cold hard math

Digi-friend
Digital dream?
Schizophrenia
Imaginary or real?

Where is the embrace to remind us of our humanity?

These monkeys have created a dimension
Painted in pastels and rosy tones
One can interact with another
Without getting hurt

But it's only after enduring and recognizing
Pain is what make us human

Not monkeys.

ABC
I've been reading some random strangers' blogs lately. I don't really know why. I've been really hooked on a particular one (I'm not gonna say who !XOBILE). It's not that great or amazing nor does it have any interesting pictures. I've never met this person nor would I pretend that had we met in person, we would be friends. But there's just something about this particular one that's screaming out. Screaming to be heard, but nobody is there to listen. And I suppose that I see a little bit of myself in these words. Somebody screaming to be heard.

What will your verse say?

It's almost as if I'm reading to give this person life. This fellow human being wanting so much to be validated in their thoughts and feelings. To have the assurance that they have been confirmed of their existence in their minute sand pebble's drop in the hourglass eternity... Although they will probably never know it, I'm listening.

That's where I'm at these days. Still hopeful, but uninspired. Positive, but unmotivated. A select few with whom I share fond memories with are still missed, but new people have emerged to make more 'fond memories'. I think I'm turning into Hannah and becoming more and more enigmatic. I will stop.

Suffice it to say that life is good, school sucks, and summer is going to rock hardcore.

ABC
I was watching this documentary the other day about workaholics. They interviewed this couple that is so caught up with work that they never verbally communicate anymore. They live in the same house, and raise a child together, but they spend the bulk of their time in their home offices working away. When they do need to talk, they IM each other while they're in the SAME HOUSE! Their daughter is 2.5 years old and her favourite toy is a BLACKBERRY!

I'm really worried about North America where everything is becoming increasingly automated. I'm afraid of the day when every number I dial, a machine will pick up. Technology should serve us, not the other way around. More and more, I long for the sound of the wind in the trees, rushing rivers, and birds calling to each other. I long to paddle across a still lake and gaze upon the reflecting horizon as I look out across the water. I yearn to be beside close friends as we camp on an island in the middle of nowhere with no agenda, except to relax and enjoy each other's company; as we sit around a fire recounting and reminiscing over old stories. Somebody would strum a guitar and we would join in singing old songs from youth's past. And perhaps, when all is quiet, the Creator would come visit, and tell me why things are the way they are, why He permits evil to exist, and how He's bigger than all of the drama. Maybe He would tell me how He did not intend for us to be puppets, and what He wanted was for us to be individual living beings that can feel pain and joy and to live in community. And though He's never specifically told me why He created me and put me in my particular situation, perhaps He'll give me a sense of peace and remind me that He's still in control of everything... And in the end, everything will be okay.

Summer is fast approaching. I don't know how much I'll be posting during this time. My friend Heather said that "the more interesting your life is, the less likely you are to update a blog." I've never verbally admitted this, but deep down I knew it to be true. No news is good news. My photolog will definitely be active. I've always loved pictures more than words. I think that's why I'm not an avid reader. I won't be posting very often. To those who know me, you know how to reach me. If all goes well, this post could be my last.

"For you I'd wait forever
Because I know that one day we'll be together
Maybe it's because you know I'll wait
You know I'll wait
I'm still waiting" -311

Au revoir, ma belle!
-Neilly

On a Scale of 1 to Awesome

2006-04-02T23:42:00.000-05:00

My measure of coolness is as follows:

You love Ali G - that's nice

You love Ali G before he got big and went mainstream on HBO and watched his movie and british clips before pop culture got a hold of him - cool.

You love Switchfoot - *shrug*

You loved Switchfoot before the movie "A Walk to Remember" came out and was listening to "meant to live" months before it came out on radio - cool.

You live breathe eat sleep emo - cool... but only in the eyes of 15 year old girls.

You love rock and roll - cool (and always will be regardless of image).

ABC
So today, Jason was speaking in church at last moment's notice (like minutes before sermon time moment's notice). As he opened, he asked how we've been shown love the past week. As a number of people shouted out responses, I drew a blank. How have I been shown that somebody loves me? I was somewhat distraught at my lack of response. But tonight, I remember my answer. The place I work at receives many late arrivals after supper time, and seeing as how the mess closes at 1830hrs, I'm usually the one asked about the best take-out/delivery place there is in town. My response has always been, and always will be the following:

How's that for free advertising? Even their name means love!

Now you may ask why. Well, everytime they get an order from a guest at our place, they always make a special treat for whoever's working. Tonight, the owner of the fine establishment came in with a pizza specially made for me! I never had to ask him for it, all I ever gave him was a smile and an ear to hear. He even left a heart-shaped breadstick in the centre! Now that is love. I feel so blessed.

You eat at Olive Garden - *shrug*

You get pizza delivered to you without asking for it and it's free and made by real italians - super duper cool, fool!

The Brown Guy #2

2006-03-18T09:12:00.000-06:00

First off, I recently learned that Mozilla does not support wingdings or webdings fonts... What does this mean? Well, you firefox users will notice that some of my posts will have a 'ABC' in between paragraphs. This is how I change subjects. But it's actually in wingdings font and what you should be seeing is this:

I know, it's kinda silly. Stupid firefox, just when I was thinking about switching over to you... *shakes head*

ABC
I watched The Ringer last night. It's pretty funny. It's pretty wrong too. But I don't know, they did it in a way that wasn't demeaning either. I'd like to explain, but I'm afraid I might offend somebody. Well, not afraid, because I know some previous posts have been pretty offensive, I'm just too lazy to explain I guess, haha. I'll just say that in the end, I loved all the characters and if they were all real, I wouldn't mind hanging out with them. They're THAT cool. Anyway, go watch it. My favourite lines...

"When the fuck did we get ice cream?!?"
"Hi Lynn! *flex*"
"I don't know youuuuuu!!! *slap slap*"

New comic:

And that my friends, is one of the many reasons why I'm still single.

Have you ever met somebody who made such an impact on you that they're forever branded in the back of your mind? And to further solidify them into your thoughts, they've left your attempts at contact go unanswered? Have you ever missed somebody so much it hurt? That you would do anything to make things right again? Someday my friend, whether in heaven or here on earth, we'll meet again. And when we do, you'll have some splainin to do.

Wookin Pa Nub

2006-03-05T23:39:00.000-06:00

Life is fragile. If you were to die today, would you be satisfied? I mean, would you be comfortable with death knowing that you've done everything you've wanted to do? Said everything you've wanted to say? For the most part, I'd say yes. I try to live my life in such a way that would yield no regrets. There are obviously things that I wish I could change or fix, but am powerless to do so, so what's the use in fretting, right?

~~Seize the day! Carpe Diem!~~

I think that if you love somebody, you should tell them. Almost a year ago now, I told her how I felt. It obviously hasn't worked out, but I don't regret stepping up to the plate. I knew the consequences of my actions if she didn't feel the same way, and I was prepared for that. Although it stings, I can respect myself knowing I've done everything I could do.

For all you guys (because I think guys should initiate on this): Tell her. Even if you have to write it down and read it aloud to her through a trembling voice, tell her. Even if she doesn't feel the same way, sucks to be her. You had all this love to give, and she threw it away. Save your heart for somebody better. If she was really that amazing, then she would have at least given you a chance. And if she does accept...
Wow. That's all I have to say.

Call me crazy, call me an idealist, call me a romantic. I don't know when or where, but I still believe that someday I'll meet a lady who will like me for my strengths, and love me for my weaknesses.

One day...

I'm gonna read aloud familiar words
And listen for the truth that I never have heard
I'm gonna open up to possibilities
I won't be afraid of where they are leading me...

It's not just the end
Or where we begin
It is in the in betweens
Slowing down
Learning how
To find the life in moments like these
-Geoff Moore (Oldy but goody)

ABC
I saw the Academy Awards tonight. The awards given I'd say were pretty much as expected. I especially enjoyed Lily Tomlin's and Meryl Streep's award giveaway act/speech thing. Quite entertaining. Crash won best picture for its social commentary on racial discrimination. This event has inspired me to revive my old comic that I had started years ago. It first started as a joke, but deep down I realize the need for this comic in this day and age with its need for tolerance. I first submitted it to the Toban, a student-run newspaper at my school. They subsequently rejected it and I heard nothing from them even with the countless emails I sent inquiring about the status of my submission. I eventually gave up. I wasn't really hurt at all, but it amused me very much since the Toban loves to run with controversial articles. What's more, they pride themselves on free speech and giving the students at our school a voice. Part of the reason why I started the comic was because all the comics they published sucked monkey balls. And they had the balls (pun intended) to nix my comic? C'est la vie I suppose.

Anyway, I've started drawing again, and as you can see, I'm quite talented when it comes to drawing. In the words of Ferris Bueller, I "never had one lesson." I don't know why I never thought of this before. I'll be posting a new comic hopefully once a week or bi-weekly or monthly or bi-monthly or semi-annually...

If you know where the title of this post originally comes from, you're super cool.
If you've googled it to find out, I <3 j00!

Asians, Horses, and Mini-Eggs - Oh My!

2006-02-27T23:56:00.000-06:00

Went to see Russell Peters about a week ago. It was well worth the 60 bucks. He made so many filipino jokes too! I couldn't stop laughing when he said the karaoke and mini-van jokes. All his accents were awesome too. And a couple chinese guys I knew were sitting in the front row. The guys I was with knew them too and we looked at each other and thought the exact same thing: If he asks Ding his name, it's over. And he did. And it was. Poor Ding.

ABC
"What's your love language, Neil?" Pam asked.

"Food." I replied.

To which everyone unanimously said, "ROFLcopters and LOLerskates."

This happened last year on the Somewhere Else West retreat. We were in our small group and such...

Some other stuff that happened...

I was at the breakfast table one morning sitting beside Nicole Whatsherface. And I reach for the cheese whiz in those little packages and began spreading it on my biscuit...

"EWWWWW" she screamed, as she pointed at my biscuit.

"What?"

"That is sooooo gross."

"What? You don't like cheese?"

"That's not cheese." Jen declared from across the table, shaking her head.

At this point I was kinda miffed that people were nitpicking at my eating habits. I don't go to white people and point out how disgusting they are when they pour soy sauce or spread butter on their rice, do I? You white people MADE the fracking cheez whiz. Why the shazbot would you invent something and then sell it only to point out how disgusting it is when people use it?

Anyway, I felt better after pointing at her face saying EWWWWW, that's not a real face!

Ok, I made that up.

At the end of the week, some people from my small group did a small skit based on me in front to everyone. They did everything wrong. Here's what really happened...

First night: I was tired. I wrote my last exam the night before and wasn't in a very social mood. Kyle asked me to drive some people to their billets. I agreed and brought my car around to the building to pick up some people...

Pam comes up to me and says (keeping in mind I was tired), "Are you my ride?"

"I'm driving Allison and [somebody else I forget her name]."

"So where's my ride?"

"I dunno."

"Does anybody know anything around here?"

I shrugged.

"I'm sorry I'm giving you such a hard time, my name's Pam." She extended her hand towards me to shake.

"Okay." and I walked away.

True story. And yes, she ended up being in my small group. After that everytime she spoke to me, all I said was "*shrug* Okay."

They did another skit about me during small group discussion, right after Bruxy had done a lecture on death issues how Jesus would ask us to give up just the one thing we don't want to give up in order to follow him.

So anyway, Pam asks me, "Neil, what's your death issue?"

"Going to these STUPID MEETINGS!"

True story.

If I go again, I hope I have this same attitude. Otherwise it'll be boring. Right now, the incentives for going are:

-See old friends like Pam *shrug* okay...
-Horseback riding
-Get out of the city
-Horseback riding
-Hear God's voice (if he so chooses)
-Horseback riding

Deterents:

-Costs $300.00+ And no, I will not raise funds
-Pam *shrug* okay... HAHA just kidding Pam.

ABC
Often times I feel like venting about my job on this blog, but I'm afraid of getting dooced, so I won't. But I will share something hilarious that happened...

Last night, they reported a leak in one of the buildings, and three rooms got flooded. I had to go over and assess the damage. I'm climbing the stairs, and already I can see the furniture and desks have been moved into the hallway. As I got closer, I notice that the former guests left all this junk food. Caramel popcorn, trail mix, raisins, dried fruit... and MINI-EGGS. And it wasn't in those small packages you get for Easter or Halloween, it was in those massive 2L bags. I thought to myself who would leave mini-eggs behind?!?

So naturally I snuck a taste. Mmm, fat pills (I call them fat pills). I couldn't bear it any longer, I couldn't let this amazing candy go to waste. I opened my jacket pocket and started shovelling them all in. 4 large handfulls worth. I was so cautious too. I was looking around to make sure nobody would catch me (not that it would matter), in case the owner came back for them, because hey, I would have. I heard somebody coming up the stairs and started shovelling them even faster into my pocket.

I thought to myself, "I knew there was a reason I woke up this morning." And how!

As I walked back with a pocket-full of mini-eggs, a smile crept onto my face as I got a flashback of Candace, my best friend during basic. We were in the final two weeks of our course which took place in the field. We were doing night time navigating training. They would drop us off at certain points and we had to find our way back to camp using a map and compass in pitch black. So anyway, Candace, the crafty bugger, instead of having magazines in her mag pouches, she stuffed them with oreos.

"If I'm going to be lost in the middle of nowhere at night, I might as well have oreos instead of empty magazines." That was her argument. It made sense.

I could imagine our instructor's reaction.

"Private Bennett, where are your magazines?"

"I dunno, Master Corporal... Would you like a cookie, Master Corporal?"

Ok, maybe it's not that funny, but it's funny to me, and that's all that counts.

Oh summer, where art thou?

2006-02-18T16:18:00.000-06:00

Would it be so selfish, so lame to muse
Over past kinships made, old and present?
A small lesson I'll impart, should you choose
Take up my view, it's up to you, consent

Beautiful woman, or beautiful friend
Given chances at earnest expression
Inklings in my heart I hold, non pretend
Hopes of eternal consolidation

Eyes well, you've gone, tears fall, you departed
Double-edged piercing at heart and soul
Pain I've sustained, have too inflicted
Against Jah, who takes me broken or whole

Sorrow, through experience, my tutor
Broken is this world, yet His love is true
Imperfect bride fazes not the suitor
Father, please teach me to love like you do

ABC

Further to my previous post, the hardest thing I've learned about love is letting go. Generally, I find it easy to part with loved ones provided that there wasn't any tension or problems that came between us. I feel as though it's my duty to part with everybody on good terms. I often worry about people whom I don't hear from for a while, especially if things aren't well between us during the period of silence. I'm learning to let things off my chest more and more. I only wish people would do the same with me. I need people to tell me if they have a problem with me, rather than just hold it in to "spare my feelings". But consider this: How can I make things right if nobody tells me? Don't be passive aggressive, or talk behind my back. CONFRONT ME!

Whoops, sorry. That wasn't directed at anybody... And yet, everybody in general. I wonder a lot about the people whom I've parted with on not so good terms. I wonder what they're doing, who they hang out with now. How amazing their friends may or may not be. Perhaps I think too much. In place of broken relationships, God's grace grants me a second chance by sending more friends. I am so very much thankful for them...

We're doing a Blue Like Jazz bible study at school every Wednesday at 11:30am. It's focusing mainly on culture and faith with the book as kind of an intro and supplement. I've had to read through the book again to remember everything to get better insight at the sessions. So today was my third time reading through it and everytime I read it, I get something new out of it. This will be hard for me to share, but I feel as though I should because I think it matters to the select few who will ever read this.

Lately, as in the past two years lately, I've found it extremely difficult to accept love from people. But I've only realized this until recently. I thought that nothing was wrong with me, like I didn't need as much love as the next guy. You know, share the wealth, I wasn't needy. It's really a shame and after reading through Miller's book again, I realize that nobody should ever consider themselves above God's charity. It all really stems from how I look at myself. Honestly, I don't think too highly of myself and just like Don, I found it hard to see how God really loves me. Well, I knew in my head how he felt about me, but believing from my heart is a different matter altogether. I think this whole thing started since going to my current church, which was about two years ago (coincidence?). For a while, I felt like pretty much an outsider. Like there were two sides: Me, and the white people. It felt like there was an invisible wall for a long time between myself and them. I felt whispers just shy of earshot.

"Don't talk to the brown guy, he's dangerous."

It honestly felt that way, and I would leave every service feeling unfulfilled, like I was wasting gas and time. What I was really lacking was community. Something I hadn't experienced in so long, until last summer with my ultimate frisbee team. We're one of the few teams in the whole league that actually hangs out together outside of games and practices. The thing that struck me the most with this group of people was the fact that they were so accepting. Like, I didn't have to jump through any of their hoops to be one of them. I could tell from the way they asked questions about me that they really liked me and wanted to get to know me. All I needed was a love of the game. It was so refreshing to know that I automatically fit in with some people, like they were my long lost brothers and sisters and I can say or do anything with them, and not feel judged. I'm not saying that I was being judged at church, but it just felt like I had to be or act at a certain standard to be part of my church family.

Our team is notorious for arguing. We've argued so much between each other let alone other teams. But what I love about it is that we're still a team. We get past our differences and still have that bond in the end. And I love the fact that we're all so different from each other, but we value each other's differences. It's very Canadian, like a mosaic, rather than a melting pot, like America. ;p

For those who have read Don Miller's book, my summer family was like the hippies he met in the woods and church was like the summer camp he worked at. And their contrasts echoed very deeply to my soul (chapter 18).

After that summer, I got involved with a small group at church. Though still not on a scale as my crew of fools, I've learned that a lot of the judgement I've felt was all in my head and not being able to accept love, and that they were always willing to dish it out if I could catch it. If you ask me now, I'd say yes, I still have trouble with the big 'L', but I'm working on it.

ABC

Last month, I was at Montana's with some ultimate frisbee teammates, Bunce and Steve. It was right after our first dodgeball game and we got whooped but oh well, I had fun. Our waitress was hot and Steve was being his usual flirtatious self and by the end of the night, as one would expect he asked her an indirect question that would divulge some sort of information as to her relationship status. From experience, I tend to think that it's simply Steve's strong personality that makes some girls, or all waitresses think that he's coming on to them. But I think Steve is just a sweet guy. Most cases, the waitresses are quick to say "Well, my BOYFRIEND says..." always emphasizing the 'B' word. And in some cases I think they just say that so we never ask them for their number. I know better than to ask a waitress for her number unless it's blatantly obvious that she's interested. In other words, never.

Anyway, our conversation then turned to last summer and how amazing it was.

"Last summer was so awesome," I said. "It's easily the second best summer of my life."

"Well," Steve argued. "We'll have to make next summer the best one of your life."

Sweet.

I proposed that we get new jerseys. Something ugly like bright yellow and lime green trim to make the opposition hate us beyond our reputation.

"And how come we don't have music?" I asked. Bunce agreed.

"We should bring a kickin stereo to every game and play the most annoying music."

I began to sing the theme song to Team America: World Police. Bunce and Steve joined in at "FUCK YEAH!" We all shared a chuckle.

Oh how I really do miss the summer. Even right now at this moment as I write this, instead of my mind being focused on studying and assignments, all I can think about is seasoned grilled meat, pale ale, the smell of mosquito repellant, running on the grass, the wind in my hair, and the sun shining on my face. Oh guys, how I miss you so.

"Girls suck, throw discs at them." -Sol Ng, his idea for a T-Shirt in response to "Boys are stupid, throw rocks at them."

I still think our practice jersey should be the logo I submitted:

Just give me a dozen white t-shirts and a red permanent marker. And watch the artist go to work!

The Big 'L', ever been?

2006-02-14T09:54:00.000-06:00

From Paul the apostle:

"If I speak with human eloquence and angelic ecstasy but don't love, I'm nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate.
If I speak God's Word with power, revealing all his mysteries and making everything plain as day, and if I have faith that says to a mountain, "Jump," and it jumps, but I don't love, I'm nothing.
If I give everything I own to the poor and even go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, but I don't love, I've gotten nowhere. So, no matter what I say, what I believe, and what I do, I'm bankrupt without love.

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."

One thing Paul doesn't mention is that love isn't always fair, and it can be very very painful. That it can be very lopsided.

Looking back at some of the people I love or tried to love, I came to a conclusion: I suck at loving people.

Paul never said that often times, people won't return the same amount of love to you... Yet, it happens. He never said that some will never understand how much you love them because you can't express it in a form that they will accept. He never said that some people will build walls around themselves to shield against incoming love. He never said that some people will dismiss you because you look or act a certain way. He never said that we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. He never said that the most unlovable people in this world are the ones that need the most love... And yet, it's true.

I find it strange that Paul didn't write that much about hate when he himself was the biggest hater for the first part of his life. Why didn't he mention how destructive hate can be? How preferences can lead to intolerance and ultimately hate? How simple disagreements can spawn a world war? I only go this far because the things I hate most about this world are the things I see in myself. "I can't change this world, I can only change myself." This was my mantra for a long time, but I've come to realize that I suck at changing myself too.

I actually wrote this post a long time ago, I just thought I would post it on a day where love is skewed and warped into chocolate and flowers. I think that if Paul were here today when he wrote that chapter, the beginning would go something like this:

"If I send flowers and candy only once a year on a designated day that everybody else did the same thing, then I do not love.
If I reserve a table for two and have a candle-lit dinner and be chivalrous to a tee, but only once a year, then I do not love.
If I make vows on a wedding day and do not keep them and decide to divorce when my marriage isn't going well, or I've lost 'that feeling', then I do not know what love is..."

Paul never said that I can't force anybody to love me back. But I can accept love from the most unexpected of places.

If you're going leave a comment to say how great I am at loving others and that I'm so cool blah blah blah... save it. Just bake me some cookies and I'll understand. OR, here are a number of other ways that you can show that you love me:

-Grill me a steak
-Treat me to wings
-Go to the movies with me
-Play frisbee with me
-Help me roll some sushi
-Wash my car
-Clean up my room
-Buy me a Golden Retriever
-Let me beat you in every video game
-Sing on my karaoke machine while I laugh at you
-Let me hold the remote
-Make me a sandwich
-Let me serve you pancakes (Game: blouses)
-Play spoons with me (and let me move the spoons on you)
-Spoon me (females only, as is, or whilst doing any of the above)
And lastly:

-Write me a letter that says how awesome I am...
and has your bank account # and PIN on it

DU it! DU it!

Why Aren't Girls Funny?

2006-02-09T09:42:00.000-06:00

Seriously. I mean, seriously. Aside from her smile, looks, intelligence, hygiene habits, etc. The biggest factor I find that separates a girl head and shoulders above the rest is her sense of humour. The sad thing is I haven't met that many girls who can make me ROFLMAO (<---ew), which would explain why I'm still single... Other than me being brown, having no game whatsoever, and being a shitty boyfriend; but that's beside the point.

But seriously, where are they? Why can't all girls be like Ellen Degeneres? ... minus the lesbian thing, of course. Maybe that's it! Only lesbians are funny? Why can't I be a lesbian?

I've only met 2 girls (that aren't lesbians) whom I can say have made my sides hurt from laughter - or otherwise. Candace, my best friend during basic is one of them. I find her so amazing. I'll never forget the time we were shopping together one weekend. She pointed to the feminine products line.

"Neil, there's the vagisil you were looking for."

I was totally burned. No comeback whatsoever. All I could say was, "You effer."

True story.

There was another time one of our fellow know-it-all course mates was razzing her during weapons class and she quickly blurted out, "What's that? Encyclopedia-boy has no social skills? Thought so."

The whole room erupted. True story.

What I'm really pissed with is the fact that the majority of girls claim they want a guy who's serious about their relationship and want "chivalry" and "courtship". And the moment we step it up, they recoil in horror claiming we're coming on too strong. Quit being so flippant. That is bar none my biggest turn off with girls and it seems like every girl has it regardless of whether they're just friends or you're looking to get serious with them. Where's the follow-through? Why is it always up to the guy to initiate everything? Is this not the golden age of feminism? Why don't you call ME for once?

"I don't want to look desperate by calling."

Yeah? Well I don't want you to look so flippant. Get over yourself. If you wanna hang out, just call. Did you know that 99.9% of guys are totally chill when you call? We don't assume anything. We're stupid. You have to hit us over the head with a club and drag us home for us to see through it. Have you ever considered that some guys just want to be friends too?

That's one of the problems with Christianity I think. Christians get married a lot earlier than secular couples because they want to have sex. They're not willing to make preparations for the rest of their life, they're just horny. More often than not, they realize they've married the wrong person and it ends ugly.

Am I idealistic? Yes, but not as much as girls are. Case in point:

Everybody knows at least a couple girls who think we should revert back to the napoleonic war era and that everybody should act like Mr. Darcy in Pride and Prejudice. No need to bother considering realistically that women were treated as trophies back then and once they were won, they were put on the shelf to collect dust and be ignored. No need to bother considering that Pride and Prejudice was written by a woman, because hey, you're a woman too. All men should grovel at your feet like some sort of lopsided feminism. But let's be honest, feminism always had a double standard. Don't believe me? You will.

News flash: Mr. Darcy is a fictional character and doesn't exist. Neither does your romantic world. The closest you'll ever get to is Don Quixote. You've all embraced the idea that women are empowered just as much as men are, so why not pull your own weight when it comes to dating? Why don't YOU ask me out? Why don't YOU call first? Why don't YOU pay for my dinner? Why don't YOU send me flowers/letters? And most of all, why don't YOU make me laugh? FRICK! FRACK! MIERDA! SCHEIZE! ESTICALISSTABERNAC!

"You need to meet girls, Neil." -Janet Lee

I don't want to meet girls. I want to meet ladies. Hilarious ladies. </rant>

This past week, Steve, my weightlifting buddy and ultimate frisbee teammate/coach gave me the assignment of smiling and saying hi to a pretty girl I see at school, on the bus, or wherever. I must admit that it totally slips my mind in the morning when I'm on the bus, at school, in class writing down notes and thinking about my assignments. Steve's assignment didn't queue in. The things that I do remember to do are the things that happen subconciously, out of habit. One particular habit: Opening/holding doors for people. Last week, I held the door for a girl holding a steaming cup coffee whose aroma you could see dance in the crisp winter air. I didn't hold the door because she was holding a coffee, but because I had already held it for the previous girl before her. Her blue eyes lit up. Her lips parted to reveal a mouth full of braces. It was the most grateful and most beautiful smile I have seen in a while. It made my day/week/month.

Disclaimer: If any of the above made you angry, good.

My (Our?) Greatest Need

2006-02-05T16:19:00.000-06:00

It's funny how my most profound thoughts come forth from the most unlikely or inappropriate of places. Sitting on the throne, in the shower, in a room full of people, slacking off at work... If it wasn't for this amazing save draft feature on blogger, I'd have a post up every ~~day~~ hour. So I've come to another shift in thinking in terms of perpective. I could go through a myriad of details and turning points or subtle hints that have been nagging at me, but to put it simply: I need to get out of here.

I think I've forgotten why I'm walking on this earth. I need to go see the world. But where? How? Well, next year, I think I'll take my own advice for once and take the year off school. I've sent a request to the higher ups at my job to see if there are any positions available overseas. If things go well, I could be gone for a while. Would you be sad if I left? Don't be. I won't.

I want to be relevant. I want to make a difference. Even if it's only to one person at a time. As long as I know that I'm not just a number. Not some inconsequential strand in history. I want a steak dinner. More to follow as it progresses.

In the past I've said that one of the reasons I left xanga was because of its demographic immaturity and its "tag you're it" crap. Completely unoriginal and passé in terms of blogging. BUT, since I'm such a nice guy, Rachel, this is for you:

4 3 Jobs I've had (I've only had 3!):
Order processing/Paging operator
LBE Summer Staff
Canadian Forces Reserves

Not an exciting resumé but my job description in the military has changed so many times, that it feels like multiple jobs... which is probably why I'm still in. My most memorable position was working for Wing Ops Training teaching classes with weapons, first aid, and NBCD (gas masks). We'd be on the range 2-3 times a week riding ATV's or playing enemy force for trainees and having a BBQ every Friday followed by having the rest of the afternoon off. It honestly felt like a grown-up summer camp with rifles and thunder flashes.

4 movies I can watch over and over (there's more than 4 but here's the top 4. For an exhaustive list, see my profile):
Amélie
Forrest Gump
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (new and old)
When Harry Met Sally

4 places I have lived in:
'Peg, embee
Calgary, AB
Borden, ON
Sydney, NSW, AUS

4 places I've vacationed:
Philippines
Disney World
Jonquière, QC
Last Thursday, visiting my 10 week old niece. She tries to talk to me but I don't understand her. I pretend like I do though and answer with a smile and "Yes, I agree, your grandma is scary." (I dropped my Tue/Thu class, so now it's always a vacation. weeeee!)

4 of my favourite dishes (this one is top 4 as well):
sushi
gyros
goat roti
tiramisu

4 places I'd rather be right now:
Anywhere/everywhere in Europe
On a train going from Halifax to Vancouver (with day-or-two stops in between, and perhaps back again)
New Zealand skiing and scuba diving in the same day
Hiking in Banff or Alaska (or Banff TO Alaska)

4 sites I visit daily:
google
gmail (want an account? Just ask.)
Waiter Rant
30 foot layout (almost everyday)

4 books I could rebuy?:
Blue Like Jazz (and have)
Life of Pi
The Message
Where The Wild Things Are

Sorry Rach, I'm not tagging anybody, that's my compromise. But thanks for making me feel special! ^^*

Dodgeball Season Has Commenced

2006-01-28T12:45:00.000-06:00

That's all I have to say right now... That, and GO EL DIABLO!!!

I'm seriously disappointed with the direction Fox Pictures has gone with its Alien and Predator (and Alien vs Predator) series.

Ripley being born through a test tube and genetically altered into a hybrid human/xenomorph? Seriously.

Danny Glover having an easier time killing a predator than Arnold Schwarzenegger? Seriously.

GET TO THE CHOPPA!

Alien vs Predator? I mean, come on. The xenomorph may have razor sharp teeth and claws, and is highly agile. But the predator is a highly intelligent, technologically advanced being with superb killer instinct. And 2 of them die in the first fight scene - by the SAME ALIEN! Seriously, Fox. Seriously.

On that note, watch the movies (except alien vs predator (pure rubbish)). Seriously, the age-old forbidden love romance movies are getting old. They're so cliché, so american. I say we go back to the good ol' days of cheesy monster action flicks. I love cheering for the monsters! ;p

ABC

In other news, I finally finished Anne Lamott's Bestseller, Travelling Mercies. I've been seriously wanting to read it for a while after hearing that it was the book that inspired Don Miller to write his book Blue Like Jazz (my favourite). In the end, I'd have to say that Blue Like Jazz is still my favourite, but Anne Lamott is a far better writer. I only prefer Don Miller's book because he's a guy and I can relate a whole lot more to his experience than Anne's. That being said, I highly recommend this book to any girl who struggles with her faith, appearance, weight, the opposite sex, etc. Ms. Lamott bares it all, and by the end of the book, she leaves you with a sense of peace. As if she's letting you know that if she can find grace, so can you. Drop me a line if you wanna borrow.

"... I've found that self-righteousness is very comforting. But Jesus is quite clear on this point. He does not mince words. He says you even have to love the whiners, the bullies, and the people who think they're better than you. And you have to stick up for the innocent." (250-51)

She writes a lot about her son and it's obvious how precious he is to her. Somewhere near the end she tells a story about the two of them snorkeling together. Way before this point, I've noticed that she has a lot of hang-ups with keeping her son safe and she muses and sighs over every decision, be it minute or grand, concerning her little Sam. My mind started to wander from the words even though my eyes were still on auto-pilot (as I always do, and then I have to read the page over again). And I began to imagine what it would be like to have a child of my own. A little mini-Neil running around. (S)He would mean the world to me. And then I thought about how much I must mean to my parents. I thought of my dad and how proud he must have been when I was a little kid. He would take me fishing every weekend and we'd keep the bass, perch, and pickeral; and throw away the catfish. How precious I must have been to him. And then I lost it. I couldn't breathe. In that epiphanic moment, I realize how much of a sorry-ass of a son I've been. They beckon me every night to spend a little time with them, but I shrug them and their stupid scrabble game off (seriously, I hate scrabble). All they really want is to spend time with me (why don't they ever play video games with me then?!). Today, I understand how fortunate I am to still have both my parents who still love each other very much and love me. And all I've done lately is take them for granted.

Anyway, yeah, I seriously recommend the book to all y'all girls in the house what! what! what! lawl.

Random facts:

uno. Number of times I've said 'seriously' in this post: 10 (if you count this line)

dos. Hardest paragraph for me to write was the last one. The screen kept getting blurry from my eyes welling up. ;p

tres. I want to meet a lady who's pretty on the outside and beautiful on the inside. Somebody like this. E-crush? Definitely. *le sigh*

Edit: I found this quote somewhere from some american whose identity I won't devulge to protect him from ridicule. All you need to know is that he's from Nevada...

“i was never a person to classify others into categories or titles but i guess you could call him my best friend. through the thick of it all we are able to withstand the 34 degrees for more than a few hours at a time, in the deepest greys of the night, fighting off the shivering and constant trembles in our voices that result from being out in the cold too long.”

Ok, 34 degrees. That's about 1 degree celsius. If you're from Winnipeg, you're thinking the exact same thing I'm thinking. THAT'S T-SHIRT AND SHORTS WEATHER! PUA HAHAHAHA!

Who did you vote for?

2006-01-23T23:57:00.000-06:00

Election day today. Wanna know who I voted for? Well, here...

Ok, I didn't vote, I just made this up a long time ago during the previous election... Back when I thought I was funny.

I had to work today, so I didn't get a chance to go out and vote. But in all honesty, I really don't care about politics and I have serious doubts about our whole democratic system in general. Well, not in our system per se, but in the people that run our government. The way I look at it, there wasn't any good party to vote for. Each had their own leader who's a dumb old guy who's so out of touch with the country, and each had their own promises that they won't keep... And what's with all the smearing?! I can't believe people would vote for somebody who slandered the opposition. It's like voting for somebody who only focused on the problems and pointed fingers rather than figuring out solutions.

I feel that it won't matter who I vote for. Big deal, the conservatives won this time. We'll let them screw us around for 10 years or so until we change to liberal and they screw us around and so goes the cycle. I've never felt any loyalty to any particular party because none of them ever get around to what they say they'll do. So who really cares?

I am not without hope in our government, however. The first party to abolish taxes will win my support. Hopefully they're not the antichrist.

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I have unicorns to chase.

PACQUIAO IS TEH WINZ!!!

2006-01-21T23:38:00.000-06:00

OMG x ∞
If you're brown, then you know exactly how I feel. For the rest of you whities, Pacquiao is only the most amazing Filipino boxer in the world! And he beat Morales in a rematch! So dramatic! I watched it with all my brown relatives and the house was just crazy when he knocked out Morales, not once, but TWICE!

It's like Philippines winning the super bowl! You have no idea how big this guy is. He's more celebrated in his home country than Bruce Lee/Jackie Chan ever were in China! It's like Philippines delivering a Flying Dragon Kick™ in the crotch to Mexico!

Take that! Elian can NOT stay!

Doesn't he look like Bahandi?

Close Encounters of the... Divine Kind

2006-01-15T09:53:00.000-06:00

Last week, my friend Annie (the same Annie who sent me the dummy string) called me up and told me of a life-changing revelation she had. She had encountered God in a turning-point kind of way while on this conference of some sort. She was sketchy with the details of the whole thing and its secrecy led me to believe that it was some sort of fight club that nobody is supposed to talk about. In any case, she shared with me her revelation of the Almighty in a way that I wasn't prepared for, to say the least. I was at a loss for words after she had finished talking to the point where she might have thought I wasn't listening or didn't understand.

"I want to be a praying woman, because I never pray."

Those words were enough to tell me that somebody had doused gasoline on the small flame that was inside of her. A flame that had been burning at the end of its rope. I sensed a deep change within her from the tone of her voice almost as if I was talking to somebody I've never met before. Amidst her on-and-off weeping and murmering, she relayed the rest of her experience to me.

As I hung up, I was completely dumbfounded. It was a lot for me to digest. I began to reflect on my relationship with God. Where had I gone wrong? Have I gone wrong? Why doesn't God ever speak to me in such a way that would stir up passion within me? Where had my passion gone?

The truth is that I've been through those "Oh my God" moments before many times myself. It's hard to explain the feeling of utter exuberance from becoming a new person and seeing everything you've seen before in a different light. And yet those memories will be forever etched in my mind.

My thoughts then jumped to what Curtis (a Nav's staffer) told me during the Somewhere Else Retreat almost a year ago now. It had been right after one of those "Oh my God" moments where there was much crying and praying and empowerment. I had not gotten any dramatic revelation from the G-man that night and was kind of disappointed in the whole retreat considering it was our last night at the camp and the next day we were packing it all up to go home. Later that night, the session had long been over and most of us were in our bedtime attire already. It was a very non-chalant and yet intimate kind of setting as we sat in a circle of couches with a number of other guys.

"I don't experience those moments anymore... It's not that God doesn't speak to me in that way, it's just that I don't chase after it or fully give myself to that moment." Curtis declared.

After a very enlightening discussion, it felt as if God was tapping me on the shoulder, as if to tell me, "Neil, you're ok."

And after that night, I understood. Although I appreciate the moments of spiritual bliss, I realize that the darkest and most painful times of my life are where I've grown the most spiritually, as a person, and in character. God will reveal himself to us in the way he sees fit. It's true, some may never experience him in a dramatic way like Annie has, and yet just a hint of him is enough to spark a lifelong change in some people. Still others might need a kick in the butt to realize that he's there. I'll be the first to admit that I need a kick in the groin to be convinced of his presence.

Everybody's relationship with God is different. God has placed us all on different paths and some of our paths will intersect. Some will divide. Some may never cross. But in the end, I think the big guy has everything under control. Intuitively, I feel that all our paths will ultimately lead to some sort of revelation of his nature.

In no way am I saying that Annie's experience is totally bunk. I'm very glad for her because I had been praying for her for a long time that God would give her some sort of passion. And he's answered. But I think something can be learned from Curtis' example. Incidently, I thought Curtis was the most hilarious guy at the retreat... next to my fist.

"I'm not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don't get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I've got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward - to Jesus."
-Phil. 3:12-13

I want to hear from you. Where, if at all, have you experienced an "Oh my God" moment? Was there a catalyst in your relationship with Jesus? What has he taught you lately about your relationship with him? Whether you have or haven't, do you feel these moments are necessary (example)? Write as much as you like, but bear in mind that I prefer quality over quantity.

Anne Lamott said that the two best prayers she knows are "Help me, help me, help me." and "Thank you, thank you, thank you."

God, thank you for Annie. Help me to keep her fire burning.

Shameless Confession(s)

2006-01-10T21:12:00.000-06:00

Edit:

"I still care... just that I don't have to be a part of his [or her] life to do that."

So true. Thanks for the reminder and encouragement, friend.

There's always heaven... =D

Those who have been with me since my xanga days may have noticed a steady decline in the frequency of my posts. I used to post a minimum of twice a week if not more, and they used to be funny. Lately, they've been more sombre and introspective. I'm sorry. And I realize that I've picked up a few more regular readers as well and I can only imagine the pain and sorrow they experience everytime they visit and find a blog that is barren of updates. And there's this one person in Dryden who keeps visiting... WHO ARE YOU?!? REVEAL YOURSELF!!!!!111one. Anyway, to thank all you who visit and read regularily, I promise to post at least once a week.* But, please... COMMENT! Thanks.

Random nothingness...

Last night I hung out with Jen and Jen. It was a summer staff reunion minus one staff member haha! We had a grand old time talking and catching up on things. The funniest part was that I called Jen earlier that day... and the conversation went like this:

"Hello?" she answered.
"Hi."
"Hi."
"Hi."
"How are you?"
"Hi."
"I was going to call you because Jen called earlier."
"Oh yeah? What did she say?"
"She said the tickets were already sold out."
"Yeah, that's why I was calling."
"Yeah she said we should meet up for supper anyway."
"Hmmm ok. Where are we meeting?"
"Dalat."
"What?"
"Dalat."
"What is that?"
"It's a chinese restaurant, it's on Ellice, I've been there before, it's pretty good."
"Yeah, but you're white, so it's probably not that good."
I called her from the Nav's office and the people listening in laughed. And then she laughed.
"So... are you going to pick me up?"

So we went to Dalat and it was a chinese/viet restaurant so I wasn't so disappointed. After that we went to Baked Expectations. It's the most amazing dessert place ever... next to my kitchen. ;p

The best part was at the end of the night, because I got to say:
"Good bye Jennifer. Good bye Jennifer."

Hmmm what else...

Oh, my friend Annie sent me these mittens with strings attached to them because I told her once that I keep losing my gloves and I need strings for them to put through my sleeves... And as soon as I got them, I immediately put them through my sleeves and practiced my nunchuk skills. i r s0 teh 1337.

My darkest secret. I love to randomly visit other people's sites and steal their images. Let me share some!

Yes, they're all girls. Got a problem? Don't mess.

*This promise is void.

Flashback #527

2006-01-02T18:39:00.000-06:00

Have you ever had a Rolo pop? They're these popsicles with a solid chocolate shell filled with chocolate ice cream and caramel in the centre. I love them. They remind me of Québec. The first time I ever had a Rolo pop was with Karen, in Jonquière, QC, during a summer french language course.

I had graduated from high school with a french immersion diploma, and it was customary of our french teacher to send us on french orientated trips, kinda like a grad present. Karen was from Winnipeg too. For 2 of the 5 weeks of our stay in Québec, there was this rock festival going on. Every night we'd walk down the bar strip in town and at the end of the street was the stage where all the bands played. I felt so alive back then just taking in the sights of lanterns lined along the street, the sounds of chattering patrons on bar patios and great french music, and the smell of cigarette smoke and the river that was nearby. A biker gang was in full force in that town as they would ride up and down the street almost as a sign of arrogance towards the cops that were on patrol. The underage drinking was absurd. So many kids were sent home after their trip to the hospital. Each night, after the last band finished their session, Karen and I would go to this 50's style diner and have milkshakes together. Sometimes we would race to see who would finish theirs first, but normally we would talk about the meaning of life and what it's like to be in love.

"There's different kinds of love, Neil."

I disagreed at that time, but deep down I knew she was right.

Karen was catholic. She attended mass regularily, but it seemed more out of habit. She went to this big cathedral during her stay in Jonqière. It was one of those massive ancient stained-glass ones that you would see on postcards. I even accompanied her one Sunday. A beautiful building.

During my stay in Jonquière, I managed to start a bible study. There were a couple students from Nova Scotia who were christians and Rachel, my classmate, joined us as well. At our first meeting, we had Scott and Chelsea, Rachel, myself and April Griffin. April was the cutest girl you've ever met, I sat with her at least once a day in the cafeteria, and she'd always make a mess while eating. By the end she'd have this smear of chocolate on her cheek or ketchup all over her hands. She was always enthusiastic about everything. We got along well.

The next week, a few more people showed up at our little bible study, Karen was one of them. She seemed very interested about spiritual things. I suppose eternity is a seductive idea to most people who never really think about these things. Needless to say, she was hooked, and showed up every week thereafter.

The last week in Québec, I found out I was accepted into a leadership program in Calgary. I was so excited. The last night in Jonquière, we had this crazy farewell night that started off with watching a film the TA's made. It was little snippets of popular films all dubbed over with their voices. It was full of inside jokes about our course and I've never laughed so hard. After that, we got our little certificates and a small tribute to our teachers. There was a dinner and dance thing too. Crazy.

Karen had eventually found out I was going to Calgary in the fall instead of staying in Winnipeg where she was. At the end of the farewell night, she approached me with watery eyes...

"Neil, is it true you're going to Calgary?" She asked, as her lip quivered.

I smiled and grabbed her and held her as she sobbed on my shoulder. It was then that I knew that I had made a friend. A few weeks later while I was still in Winnipeg getting ready to move all my stuff, I got an email from Karen...

"Neil, thanks to you, I read my bible more often. I feel so much closer to God."

I felt so humbled that God had used me to touch somebody's life. I'll never forget that time at the dépanneur when Karen first introduced me to Rolo pops.

I love Rolo pops.

The MC* to the IP in OE*, Fool.****

2005-12-24T18:42:00.000-06:00

You know that Christmas feeling you get? When everything around you just fits? That feeling of being around people with the same spirit? That feeling of knowing you're free to be yourself?

Last week, I got my first Christmas feeling as I sat and sang in a house full of white people. Normally, I get my first Christmas feeling the day of as my family eats together and watches Christmas specials. But this year, I got that feeling just a little bit earlier as my church small group got together for a potluck. I am constantly amazed at God's providence in my life. Regardless of whether or not I know what's around the corner, He's in complete control. I'm like that petulant child in the backseat of the car complaining to the parent who's driving. Like it or not, I have to trust. Daddy knows best. Although I feel like I'm never content with my life, I can't complain because He has been good to me. And so there we were, sitting around the living room all stuffed with chicken wings and desserts galore. Jason pulled out the guitar and Nick brought his accordion along. It was quite hilarious as he tried to harmonize with Jason's out-of-tune guitar. We laughed and sang a variety of songs - some not even related to Christmas. As we tried to recall the lyrics to Boney M songs, I felt very much at home and perhaps... a small hint of His presence was made known to me. The smiling faces and laughter was far too much for me to regard these people as strangers. We have become family. And that's the best Christmas feeling you can have. I'm looking forward to spending the time off with my family and friends, namely, the 30 foot fools.

TTT

Through balmy wint'ry air doth we partake
With warmth of kin or chill of lonesome strife,
'Tis surely such a time we shan't forsake
To give our thanks to Thee who gave us life.

To all my friends I've made both old and new:
Forgive me for my slothfullness, I plead;
'Twas but my hermit nature I let through.
And yet I pine'd for life renew'd and freed.

Please know my heart and thoughts go with you all.
I pray to Thee, He'll bring you hope and joy.
For I, mere Neil, hath tasted, been enthral'd
By grace and mercy under Thine employ.

I sing redemption song for all to hear
That gratefulness is natural, the norm.
For liberation has thy price, 'tis clear;
My life is not my own, thus I perform.

For ev'ry morsel eaten and consume'd,
Remember those with nary a cent or thing.
'Cause we are bless'd to sleep inside a room,
Than face winter's harsh bite; avoid thy sting.

I seek perfection in my life, to soar.
A lofty goal, to reach the highest height.
And though I've fail'd, my peers have not kept score.
Accept my thanks, your hand in mine, don might.

TTT

Although it's been said
many times, many ways...

* M.C. = Merry Christmas
** I.P. = Iambic Pentameter
*** O.E. = Old English
**** Fool = You

Flashback #318

2005-12-02T16:07:00.000-06:00

In many ways, he was my best friend at that time. I never actually admitted this to him, but he was the one I got along with most in elementary. Stefan, the magician. He was your veritable nerd complete with spectacles and ski-pants that everybody oh-so-loved to make fun of because he was different from everybody else. And at times, to my eternal shame, I joined in on the name-calling. During recess, we had formed an imaginary news crew called the "Dream Team" wherein we would approach other kids and ask them what they had dreamed last night. Normally it was about ponies, or ice cream. Every once in a while we'd get "I was president of Canada", or "I threw up pickles on my sister." I loved the irregular ones. It was the norm for "cool kids" in other classes to pick on Stef during recess. This one particular recess in grade 3, I was feeling awfully brave, and felt like picking a fight with one of Stefan's bullies as they were picking on him. I lost. My first and only schoolyard fight in my whole academic career, and I lost to a guy who was a foot taller than me. I lasted pretty long though, but a knee to the gut did me in. It was horrible and most memorable because the winner started to cry as the T.A.'s unleashed their fury on him. Even though I had proven my friendship with Stefan at that point, I still feel remorse to this day about all the times I had made fun of him along with the others, or the times I was embarrassed to be his friend. School is a jungle, what can I say?

In grade 3, he had won the most prestigious award of best magician of his age group in Canada (I didn't even know that there were championships). It was great, because nobody believed him except for me. Later that week, CBC wanted to do a news special on him and even record him doing a magic show in front of the whole class. Finally, some payoff to being his friend (selfish, I know).

In grade 4, his parents had divorced, and so at the beginning of summer, he had to move. It was a pretty sad time for me, but only as sad as a kid in grade 4 would lose a toy or forget where he buried his secret stash. After all, whom was I going to listen to Weird Al albums and go biking with now? I remember the day before he moved away, it was late afternoon. We biked together as the sun was setting. He promised to call me for special events like birthday parties and sleepovers. He didn't.

Filipinos have a strange culture. It's based very much on image. You can see it in today's youth as they drive their noisy ricemobiles whilst talking on their cellphone and seat reclined to the laying down position. The older generation care very much about their image as well, however, they show it in a different, and yet, very understandable fashion - through their children. The tradition of the debut started during the early spanish occupation of the Philippines and has been carried out among Filipino families ever since. So much in fact, that there was a movie made about it a few years ago. I loved it. I thought it was so funny, seeing as how the main character was a coconut, like me. ANYWAY, a debut is simply a celebration of a coming-of-age of a daughter in a Filipino family. I'm not sure if there are other cultures that celebrate this, but if there is, please let me know. =)

I'm sure you've been wondering ever since ricemobiles why I'm mentioning all this, and I will tell you. A bit more than a year ago, I met Stefan for the first time since he moved away at a debut. My neighbour's daughter had turned 18 that year. They also had a son, who had passed away at the age of six due to cancer. Stefan and I were friends with him during his short life, and yet neither of us knew about it until just before he had to move away. Apparently he had kept in touch with them and not me (FOR SHAME! Just kidding, I'm cool with it). So, as it turned out we were seated at the same table, his family and mine. His mom with her new husband, and his dad with his new wife, his twin sisters, who reminded me of the olsen twins, and his girlfriend, a pretty thing. My family came out strong with myself, Mom, and Dad. He looked a little different, hairier. And yet, he still held the same demeanor and mannerisms that were so familiar to me.

As we caught up, I learned that he had become a vegan, an athiest, and anarchist. He keeps a blog of his own. Now, I have no objections to his choice of worldview or lifestyle, I'm only saddened by how much we have grown apart. And though we both left that party on good terms, it seemed that we no longer had anything in common except for our childhood memories. I visit his blog every once in a while, and it's mostly about what he thinks of Bush, politics and ideals. Politics bore me, really, but I keep reading to see what I've been missing all these years. To see what his perspective on life is. I don't consider us friends anymore, but politics and opinions aside, I think that we could have still been friends had we kept in touch. In many respects, we are the same, him and I; we're both idealists. And even though this world isn't perfect, I believe that people can still get along regardless of race, religion, or beliefs. And I think this is as close to perfection as you can get. I certainly won't forget him.

I guess amidst all this rambling, what I'm trying to say is that experience has taught me that most people are in my life for a finite amount of time. It's kind of sad, but it's an ugly fact of life. On the flip side, my heart tells me that it doesn't have to be this way. That maybe, if both parties really wanted to make something happen, it would. I think I think too much.

Sidenote: A couple years after my first and only schoolyard fight, I beat the crap out of Michael Pinette, the biggest kid in our class because he started making fun of my last name. Ever since then, and throughout high school, he treated me like his best friend. Heh, Michael Peanut.

It's a Swirl!

2005-11-12T20:07:00.000-06:00

Today, Year of our Lord, November 12, 2005, at 0316 hrs, my sister, Grace Midwinter, gave birth to a 7 lbs 3 oz girl. Her name is Cloe Ava Midwinter, and I'm her uncle. IN YO FACE, FOOL!

"Grace said it's your turn now, Neil." my mom told me.

"My turn?"

"To multiply."

Yeah, I'll get right on that. I think I need to take a few more steps before I can make babies, don't I?

Sometimes, I feel like this guy...

2005-11-02T23:01:00.000-06:00

So I went to the big AIA thing tonight. Kinda got suckered into it. I really didn't want to go, but I felt that God was calling me to go, that He might have something to teach me. And boy, He sure did...

I'm really thankful that there are a handful of brave souls that are willing to stick their necks out and sell programs with some guy's testimony written in it and sell DVD's with his biography in it... but what about our testimonies? Our stories? I never told anybody this, but I didn't stop attending CCC because I was too busy, or even because of my other lame excuse that I'm too lazy to make new friends. In fact, I love to meet new people. To be completely honest, I stopped going because the way CCC does ministry is totally not my style. I can't just get into somebody's face and start telling them about Jesus and how He wants to change them. It's so obnoxious, so intrusive, so... impersonal. Jesus never did ministry like that. He always took the time to listen to people, to eat with them - which in those days were a big deal. Imagine having dinner with royalty, that's how it was. People were so ashamed that Jesus, the coolest guy on earth, wanted to sit at the same table with them. But I digress.

I think that if Jesus came here today, we'd have the same scene of him clearing the temple all pissed off. We've been doing it all wrong. No amount of organizing or programming can compare to the love of God. It's not up to us to save souls, Only God's mercy alone can do that. All that God commands us to do is to love one another, and that doesn't take a whole lot of effort when you realize that you're not responsible for the salvation of others. Indeed, tonight has only reaffirmed what I've been feeling deep down inside my heart, thinking in the back of my head, and helped me to form my own type of ministry. One that's based on relationships. A friendship goes deeper than any retarded tract, novel, movie, or magazine. I've seen it on all the faces that I have met.

It is my prayer that I will be a blessing to those around me and to everyone I meet. This will only serve as the catalyst to something greater, something new.

"To penguins." -Tony, the beat poet, as he raised his glass.

Starring: Me

2005-10-22T23:25:00.000-05:00

I know I haven't posted in a while. It's not that I've been too busy, I just had nothing to say. It seems as though there's been a rash of unoriginality in the blogosphere lately. All this "tag you're it, fill out this survey" crap. I haven't been tagged. Am I bitter? No, that's what I get for leaving Xanga... Thank God. So instead of continuing the unoriginality, I'm going to steal somebody else's idea (huh?).

I always imagined my life as a movie. Writer, producer, director, main character. Have you ever wondered what the soundtrack to your life would be? Here's mine:

Opening Credits: Seishun Kyousoukyoku - Sambomaster
Waking, getting ready for the day Scene: Chocolate - Snow Patrol
Walking to School Scene: Cold Hard B**** - Jet
Walking Home Scene: Come Away With Me - Norah Jones
Summer moments scene: Take Me Out - Franz Ferdinand
Party/BBQ/Hanging out with friends scene: Life is Life - Opus
Driving Scene: Somebody Told Me - The Killers
Moments of Joy with Significant Other (like in There's Something About Mary) Scene: Just What I Needed - The Cars
Break Up Scene: The Scientist - Coldplay
Depressed Scene: Life - Our Lady Peace
Month Later after Break Up Scene: The Ex - Billy Talent
Training/Running until my lungs explode Scene: Last Train Home - Lost Prophets
Motivational/Rugby/Ultimate Frisbee scene: Artist in the Ambulance - Thrice; Song 2 - Blur
End of Summer after winning the Ultimate Frisbee Championship Scene: Your Hand In Mine (with strings) - Explosions in the Sky
Fight Scene: Dive For You - Boom Boom Satellites
Death/Funeral Scene: Grief and Sorrow - Naruto OST
Goodbye Scene: Fix You - Coldplay
Don't Dream it's Over - Sixpence None the Richer
Closing Credits: A Little Help from my Friends - Joe Cocker; The Impression That I Get - Mighty Mighty Bosstones

I've had too much time to think about this. Now I tag...

Nobody.

Feel free to tag me with your survey stuff, and I'll feel free to not comply.

;p

Would you like a copy of my soundtrack? I can send you one. I can and will. Just gimme a shout, email, call, comment, tag on the tagboard, instant message, singing telegram, can & string transmission, or kick to the face, and I'll make the necessary arrangements. This isn't limited to Winnipeg folk. If you live out of the city, I'd be more than happy to mail it to you. No need to pay postage.

NO DISTANCE IS TOO GREAT.

I've done it before and I'll do it again. I know you all want one.
*cough* Janet who visits like twice a day, but never comments or tags or anything. *cough*

But seriously, if they really did make a movie about my life. I would hope that they would show the way God's love has changed me. Because everything good in my life is because of Him. I can't take credit for any of it. In the whole grand scheme of things, this movie was never about me, it's about His love for me and how much it has affected those around me. Everything likeable about me is from Him. Thanks God. *high fives God*

Next week (or sooner... most likely later): List of movies I want to see.

Bored At Work: Take 2

2005-10-04T19:01:00.000-05:00

So... I bet you're all wondering what a coconut does when he's bored at work. Well I'll tell you: He writes Haikus!

Haiku 1

Her smile still haunts me
A yearning to turn back time
To relive that day.

Wish I could forget
Memories can't be erased
Burns will heal, one day.

I want to ask why
But I won't get an answer
Yelling at the wind.

I can do better
The sea's filled with many fish
She's one of many.

My future looks bright
I said I wouldn't settle
But for her, I would.

Haiku 2

Reunion attempt
Have broken years of silence
Had nothing to lose.

She makes no effort
My resolve remains the same
To love her, always.

Any ideas for titles?
Bonus question: What is the underlying theme of this post? Marks will be given based on originality and content.

A Tale of Redemption

2005-10-01T01:06:00.000-05:00

When I was younger, I used to be enthralled by this Playstation game entitled Valkyrie Profile. Its premise is based loosely on Norse mythology. The story goes that there's a war going on in Valhalla, a spiritual realm above earth. Odin, the head honcho of the good side realizes that his forces aren't strong enough, so he calls for the aid of Valkyrie, a winged warrior. He tells Valkyrie to recruit more soldiers from the mortal realm to strengthen Odin's forces. So, Valkyrie is charged with the daunting task of choosing worthy souls to be trained and, once ready, to fight for Odin. There is quite a degree of spirituality in this game, which is why I'm bringing this up. What made this game so engaging and kept me playing for hours on end was the way Valkyrie chose her army. The only way she could claim a soul was once the person died - not by her doing of course, but by usually tragic means. She always chose the outcast, who died alone, or a lone warrior who was betrayed by his friends, or an orphan who lost her way. In each case, it seemed like the souls that she deemed worthy, were the ones that needed a second chance. And that's exactly what she gave them. I could relate very well to the tales of tragedy, misfortune, and ultimately grace.

Now, even more so today, I realize how badly in need I am of a second chance. I don't want to settle for a comfortable life. I don't want to settle for second best. I want passion, and renewed commitment in my life. Earlier this week I met a man from Rwanda. He survived the genocide and only a few members of his family remain. He said that the whole experience only served to strengthen his faith. It seems that we in North America have such shallow faith. One that's based on convenience. Personally, I feel that my faith has become numb, that I'm just going through the motions. I miss that passion that I used to have. I miss genuinely caring about the well-being of others. I miss hearing His voice.

Dad, would you grant me a second chance?

Thomas: On surviving university.

2005-09-22T21:09:00.000-05:00

I remember it like it was yesterday. My first year of University. I carpooled with an old high school friend, Thomas, that year. Though we both graduated the same year, he was finishing his final year towards his computer science degree, and I was just starting mine (I had taken a long break after high school). Every morning, I'd sit in his car and listen to his crappy music. It was either that or talk radio. During the lulls in traffic, he'd turn to me and offer me advice and pointers about all the little facets that the campus had to offer. He'd tell me about all the nooks and crannies and best kept secrets like which lounge was the quietest and had the softest couches for sleeping, or the quickest route possible from building A to building B. Now that I think about it, I probably wouldn't have lasted very long if it wasn't for his guidance. I should remind myself to thank him one day.

We were walking from the parking lot towards our respective classes. All of a sudden, Thomas tugs on my sleeve.

"Neil."

"Huh."

"This building..."

"What about it?"

"Duff Roblin."

"Yes?"

"They have the cleanest bathrooms."

I paused. "Okay..."

"If you ever need to go, top floor, Duff Roblin."

"Uhh thanks, Thomas." I shook my head.

"What do they study in that building anyway?"

Thomas shrugged.

Fast forward to today. I'm climbing the steps of Duff Roblin...

"Thomas sat here." I thought to myself as I stared down at a shiny porcelain bowl. I sat.

5 minutes later...
I was in awe of how quiet it was up here. Just then, another gentleman walked in to use the urinal. I could see his feet peeking from under the barrier. Do you ever just freeze and try to make as little noise as possible when somebody walks in and you're on the throne in a public washroom? The gentleman concluded his business, zipped up and moved away from my stall. His footsteps grew fainter. I heard the door swing open and shut abruptly. Silence... That bastard didn't wash his hands!!! I let it slide this time since we were in the pristine, spotless bathroom of Duff Roblin's top floor. Nostalgia swept over me as I reminisced over what seemingly was a pointless conversation was actually a grave matter of hygiene.

In the bible, Thomas was the one who doubted. Not my Thomas, he was wise.

It's been 3 years since that conversation. I still have no idea what they do in Duff Roblin.

*Disclaimer: One should always wash their hands after using a public bathroom.

Truth and Reconciliation

2005-09-08T21:04:00.000-05:00

School starts tomorrow...

There are certain individuals within my sphere of influence whom I've lost touch with. I see them every now and then... And they seem distant. Not from this world, but from God. I've made a resolution to go back for them. To reunite them with the Creator. Please pray for me as I find them in the darkness.

Leave No Man Behind.

I realized that there aren't enough honest people in this world. And I don't mean those who go back to the cashier to return the change that was misgiven to them. I mean the kind that would tell me that there's parsley stuck between my teeth. Or would whisper in my ear to go brush my teeth. Or more importantly, tell me when I've wronged them instead of keep it to themselves and let it fester inside of them. I admire brutal honesty in people. Why is it better to "spare each other's feelings"? How is that even possible if the person hasn't been given the privilege of knowing in order to feel anything?

I want the truth.

~~You can't handle the truth.~~

Seems like this new school year will be a lonely one...

But then again, I don't mind.

We are teh winz!!!

2005-08-29T09:15:00.000-05:00

We are the Champions
Originally uploaded by Niaru.

A beautiful cap to an awesome summer. For me, it was a bit dramatic. This summer started off with a couple disappointments and was starting to look pretty bleak. But I just shrugged it off and decided to make the best of it. For that, I'm grateful especially for my team who showed me how true spirit can overcome conflict between each other and within ourselves. The answer isn't 'out there', it's within us. Only by coming together, forsaking ourselves, could we have achieved such a great community of friends from different walks of life. Of course, there have been confrontations, but they were all with the intent of wanting to improve. I'm thankful to God for keeping me free from injury and blessing me with such beautiful friends. He has always been faithful to me despite my lack thereof. Every weekend has been filled with something crazy... I've been to church about 3 times this summer and have barely spoken to Him. But I know the way He feels about me and how He sees me hasn't changed. I'm His son.

Indeed, the 30 foot machine will be a force to be reckoned with next year. Winners of 'D' division baby. BEST OF THE WORST!!!

WHAT!

2005-08-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

Goofy Boys
Originally uploaded by rodeworks.

How long has it been? I've been busy. But no news is good news in this case. I've felt A LOT like this guy many times this summer. So many things have been happening lately, that I don't know where to start. SO, instead of me writing an essay to put you to sleep, I'll just refer you to my photo site. Pictures tell stories in themselves. The link is on the side as well. I update it every couple weeks usually. Though I don't know how much I'll be uploading once school starts but we'll see, we'll see.

I'm thankful for my ultimate frisbee team. This summer would have sucked had I not met them. We're all a bunch of goofs just like the boys in the above picture. I love them. Until next time...

WAR OUT MENG!

I miss school. Scary, I know.

2005-08-08T09:02:00.000-05:00

Wrote this at work (click to enlarge)...

One day... My room WILL be clean. ;p

Evidence

2005-07-30T01:41:00.000-05:00

Extravagant. adj
1. Given to lavish or imprudent expenditure;
2. Exceeding reasonable bounds, excessive, unrestrained;
3. Extremely abundant, profuse;
4. Unreasonably high, exorbitant;
5. Straying beyond limits or bounds.

Lately and often, this phrase has been permeating my mind: "Love extravagantly." I hadn't the faintest clue why until I came upon this verse:

"Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious, but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that."
-Ephesians 5:2

Too often, I've felt that I needed compensation for loving somebody. I expected too much. To love extravagantly means to love intentionally and deeply. But we can't. At least... not in the state we're in. Only upon realizing how much God loves us - deeply and immeasurably can we in turn love others the same way.

Hermit Mode: Disengaged.

2005-07-22T15:43:00.000-05:00

Room's still a mess, bathroom's still filthy. BUT, I don't feel like shit anymore. Dunno what happened, nor can I try to explain. This earthly body seems to yearn for constancy and the only way it can possibly achieve it is by going through a swing of hills and valleys. I know He listens to me, even though He never answers me directly, I know He smiles on me, especially during the dark times of my life when I search for answers and find none, and yet... continue to press forward. Gonna go to my buddy's cabin for the weekend. Catch some rays (as if I need anymore ;p), toss some disc, enjoy the water. Life is both dreadful and beautiful. Much love, London.

Pictures will be up next week. OH, and whoever left those bible verses in my comments on my last post and didn't leave their name... HOW DARE YOU! And thanks. =D

Live your life.

Hermit Mode: Engaged.

2005-07-14T16:46:00.000-05:00

The room is in shambles, my bathroom's filthy. I haven't done my laundry in two weeks. I generally feel like shit. I dunno what's happened, nor can I try to explain. My passion is gone. Food has lost its flavour, songs have lost their meaning. Friends at this point seem... well, pointless. And worst of all... is that I miss Him.

"Sometimes you need to hit rock bottom before you can get back up."
-Alana Fife, my old high school friend

Indeed, I have hit rock bottom. Or have I? Kinda scary if I haven't.

I'm mad at Him. Disappointed in some major things that have happened in my life. Angry that He never answers me. I haven't heard His voice in years. Do I dare say that I don't love Him anymore? I miss the passion that I used to have. All I wanted in life was to be happy. But I still don't know what makes me happy. I'm frightened to death that I might not ever know. All I wanted from Him was to tell me what I should do. Give me a vision, like You did, 6 years ago.

Her name is Hunter. She's an idealist, like me. She's in the military, like me. Grew up in Winnipeg, like me. Works in the same office, like me. Funny how when I asked her what an idealist like her was doing in the military, she had the same answer, like me: "I don't know."

Wyatt Earp: All I ever wanted was to live a normal life.

Doc Holiday: There's no normal life, Wyatt, there's just life. Now live it, up to the hilt.

Pray for me?

Les GunZ!

2005-07-09T13:48:00.000-05:00

I wanted to take this time to advertise a game that I think I've fallen in love with. Not since my Counter-Strike days have I been so addicted! And the best part about it is that it's free! GunZ is an action shooter MMORPG game like no other. It boasts superb crisp graphics which looks like it runs off the Half Life engine, and with the new update, the sounds of weapons fire and shells falling sounds so much more fuller. Weapons range from pistols to SMG's to rifles, shotguns, heavy machine guns and even grenade launchers! The coolest thing are the blades where you can wield daggers, swords or even two swords at a time! In addtion to picking weapons, you'll also have the choice of wardrobe all with their own special attributes and styles. Of course, your choice of weapons and clothing will vary as you progress up the levels.

I first saw this game in action at my friend's house and my initial impression was that it was a cross between Max Payne and the Matrix. And indeed you can be like Neo with the air dashing and running up and along walls and dodging gun fire and smooth mélé acrobatics. Everything short of stopping bullets. I highly recommend that anybody with a decent comp and broadband connection, and is into swift action like you see in the movies to try out this game. It's definitely worth the five minute download. And if you ever do sign up, drop me a line, I'll add you as a friend and show you the ropes. You'll be shooting and slicing it up like a pro in no time!

Thine Long Weekend Hath Pass't

2005-07-04T23:26:00.000-05:00

Hung out with my ultimate frisbee team this past weekend. Fun was had by all. Beach on Friday, our own fireworks show at night. Victoria Beach on Saturday, karaoke at night. Grand on Sunday, hail storm in the afternoon. Crazy. Oh, and I got heat stroke on Saturday. So fun. Click on the image to see more craziness.

Me vs Calgary

2005-06-30T10:56:00.000-05:00

Had last weekend off from work, went to Cow-Town for an ultimate frisbee tournament. One of the most inspiring weekends of my life. For many, it was a big drunken orgy. But for me, it was way more than that. A chance to get away and not think about my daily routines and responsibilities. Our team went undefeated on Saturday, and then lost to a very quick but very spirited team in the semi-finals on Sunday. I'm glad we lost this way. They were such a great team and so fun to play with. Not like the team we played before them. Much too intense. There were so many accidents that game. I smoked a girl (whom I didn't see coming from behind), and another guy on their team got smoked in the face by the frisbee. But they were all accidental, yet they started cussing out making it look like our fault. The girl I smoked launched an F-bomb as she lay on the ground, and all the remorse I felt soon evaporated. But all in all, I haven't had so much fun in so long.

Funny stuff:

Rachel: hey, do you remember what i started calling you when i finally realized that you weren't ever gonna call me rebecca?

Neil: Nelson.

Rachel: ahhhhhhh...i had forgotten THANK YOU NELSON!

Neil: np

Rachel: lol, how're you doing?

Neil: I was playing with nelson over the weekend actually

Rachel: did you see tyson when you were in alb?

Neil: you know nelson chan?

Rachel: nope

Neil: who's tyson?

Rachel: tyson from nav's?

Neil: oh that tyson. no. i was in an ultimate tournament

Rachel: fun! ... do you know (blanked out as per Rachel's request)?

Neil: we went to china town saturday night ... no i don't

Rachel: :(

Neil: and i got fishballs

Rachel: he plays ultimate and he's a really hot doctor!

Neil: and chinese pork buns

Rachel: "slash" med student ... nice... were they good? i don't like fish so much. "not so good al..."

Neil: and curry puff cakes ... and then we went back and had dinner at the ulti event ... and then there was bbq chicken, ribs, and pot roast ... and taco salad ... and coleslaw ... and baked potatoes with all the trimmings

Rachel: and you ate a lot i see

Neil: and then we had free beer*

Rachel: always good

Neil: they kept coming by the pitchers

Rachel: but not for me b/c i hate beer

Neil: and then we went back to china town

Rachel: and you got wicked drunk

Neil: and had noodles

Rachel: and sobered up

Neil: and curry noodles

Rachel: and i'm having my own convo while you talk about food

Neil: i didn't get crazy drunk

Rachel: just a little sloshed.... :p

Neil: i had a couple coolers and i had a buzz going ... but not drunk

Rachel: yechhhh.

Neil: we were all in the van on the way to china town ... and we were all buzzed or drunk ... except the driver of course

Rachel: good to know

Neil: because he was training for master's league ... anyway everything we said in the van was hilarious because we were messed ... and i started talking with a chinese accent because the driver was chinese ... and i kept calling him anko ... uncle with a chinese accent

Rachel: nasty boy

Neil: and then i suggested we go to banff ... and everybody cheered

Rachel: you're nuts

Neil: except for the driver ... so we just ate noodles ... and i went to bed all bloated from food and alcohol

Rachel: +o(

Neil: and i took 2 dumps and 3 leaks the next morning

Rachel: i feel sick just reading that ... things i don't want nor need to know

Neil: the best weekend of my life

Rachel: pitiful ... :p

Neil: you're just jealous you didn't have fun

Rachel: lol

Neil: because the company made it so great ... it wasn't the food or the beer or even the ultimate ... it was the people ... i've never met such spirited people on or off the field ... christians can learn from their example

Rachel: what? to drink and behave stupidly?

Neil: no, to be great sportsman despite losing and always complimenting the other team when they do well ... to have a great sense of humour and being able to laugh about themselves when they screw up ... having grace for other people when they get injured and clapping them off when they get off the field

Rachel: oh, that's good.

*Contrary to popular belief, beer does not taste better when it's free.

Regret

2005-06-18T22:01:00.000-05:00

My weary mind tends to wander every once in a while... to the past. I wonder how things would be like if only I had done this. If only I had said this. Or even, if only I hadn't. I guess I'm still trying to figure out which is worse: wrongful action, or wrongful inaction. I want to believe that the latter is, but it sure doesn't feel that way. One thing's for certain, the only thing worse than these two things combined is a really good and vivid memory.

The next day...

I awoke from my nap. I clambered up the steps and looked out the window. I groan from exhaustion. Not from physical exhaustion, but from sleeping too long. The week has gone by so fast. A devilish whirl of disappointments turned hopeful by the meeting of unexpected old friends. More remnants of my past. We talk. I feel connected to this world once more. Fond memories no longer feel like dreams - and yet, at this point seem all too surreal. Was I meant to be happy? Was anybody meant to be happy? Were all these unexpected turns in my life actually part of something greater? My heart wants desperately to believe so, but the world around me tells me "No, Neil. This is simply life. It's fucked up. Get over it."

And then I think about all the people I've met, how they've all impacted me one way or another. Would I have met these great and wonderful people had I not strayed from the road of ambition and selfishness? The answer is a clear and resounding no. And so I count my blessings for all the people I've met. Whether it was a dream or not, my memory keeps them alive in my heart. I sit and I pray.

I turned my head and saw yet another wisp of smoke on its way to nothingness: a solitary person, completely alone - no children, no family, no friends - yet working obsessively late into the night, compulsively greedy for more and more, never bothering to ask, "Why am I working like a dog, never having any fun? And who cares?" More smoke. A bad business.
It's better to have a partner than go alone.
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there's no one to help, tough!
Two in bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.
By yourself you're unprotected.
With a friend you can face the worst.
Can you round up a third?
A three-stranded rope isn't easily snapped.
-Ecclesiastes 4:7-12

I've made up my mind. The goal is clear. I seek...

A best friend - with benefits.

...not those kinds of benefits, silly!

Team photo minus Captain

2005-06-10T18:22:00.000-05:00

Team photo minus Captain
Originally uploaded by Niaru.

Still undefeated, BOTCH!

Ewe dew

2005-06-08T13:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday: Rain.
Today: Rain.
Next week: Rain.

Of course it would be nice to have the sun while playing outside. But lately, I've begun to appreciate this life-giving precipitation. All this rainfall reminded me of one of God's promises.

"Job*, are you listening? Have you noticed all this?
Stop in your tracks! Take in God's miracle-wonders!
Do you have any idea how God does it all,
how he makes bright lightning from dark storms,
How he piles up the cumulus clouds -
all these miracle-wonders of a perfect Mind?
Why, you don't even know how to keep cool
on a sweltering day,
So how could you even dream
of making a dent in that hot-tin-roof-sky?"
-Job 37:14-18

*I like to change Job's name for mine, whenever I read his book. Try it with yours!

Bought a cd...

I likes.

And what's the deal with Coldplay? Why is everybody so into them? Do people think it makes them so cool just because they listen to Coldplay? Gross.

*hides newly bought Coldplay cd behind back, innocent smile*

Friends?

2005-06-02T13:36:00.000-05:00

Lots of things have been happening this week. A crazy storm in my life. But I know I'll get through it somehow. He's taken me thus far already. And I know from experience that He's in control of everything. All I can do... is smile.

I've been contemplating lately about all my friends. Are relationships just borne out of convenience? Like in high school, I was in french immersion and so our class was together ever since kindergarten. We've been through ups and downs and after we graduated, that was it. I haven't seen any of them since - except for a couple guys whom I still barely keep in touch with. We meet up like twice a year and we carry on like nothing's changed and we reminisce about the good old days. But it's saddening that we don't hang out often because I really enjoy their company.

It seems to me that friends are friends until they stop trying. I keep saying to myself: If I really love this person, I won't give up on them, because God never gave up on me. Even still, it's hard to keep trying, because these eyes of mine don't see very far. And what happens when they don't try? It's like that person passed away. Gone forever... until heaven. I know I'm not making any sense.

Annie, I know that you'll probably never read this but...
I was wrong.
I'm sorry.
I miss you.

Things will probably never be the same...
All I can offer you... is this.

Today at church, I learned...

2005-05-29T12:30:00.000-05:00

"Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go and do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

The "Ultimate" Update

2005-05-27T16:07:00.000-05:00

So I'm a half hour into my shift here at work and already I'm bored. Good thing I bought this book entitled The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I read through the first chapter during my last shift and already I can't tell you how good this book is. Everybody should read this book, it's crazy.

But enough about that. I thought I'd use this post to let everybody know how things are going with my ultimate frisbee team. On my old blog I had made a prayer request that I would be a good witness to my team because I didn't think that there was any Christians on my team... which was fine. But it turns out that there are a couple who are Christians! PTL? Definitely. It takes less pressure off me to be a good example to them and for me to be myself - not that I would act any different but it's comforting to know that there are others on the team who share the same faith as I do. All in all, it looks like it's going to be an awesome summer. I'm really looking forward to this break.

Have I said how much I love my team? I really really love them. The story of how I got involved with them is great too. I emailed my buddy Lee, whom I've been playing some pick up games with the past couple years, telling him I wanted to join a league team this year. He replied back saying there wasn't anymore room on his team so he referred me to Steve's team, the team I'm currently on. Most of us are a bunch of riff raffs with no league experience whatsoever, save for a couple people who are hardcore. The league coordinator put us in the 'D' division aka the bottom of the barrell. BIG MISTAKE. The last two games we played, we completely slaughtered the competition. I have a feeling that we're going to get bumped up eventually. So anyway, Lee, the guy who shrugged me off, found out how much fun we're having on our team and he joined MY team. My, how the tables have turned. Irony can be such bliss sometimes.

I love Steve, the captain. He's a school teacher, and so during practice I call him Mr. Shylo because he's the one that drills us.

I love Laura, with her gift of hospitality. The awesome time we had at her house drinking beer and working out at the same time (I don't recommend that anybody does this), and watching Starsky and Hutch.

I love Janet, with her hardcore workouts and techniques. We played pool at Laura's and she made this rule where everytime we missed a shot, we had to do 10 pushups. And then when it was her turn to do pushups, she wormed her way out of it.

I love Sol, with his crazy Karaoke singing from Backstreet Boys to POD. He has a great sense of humour. I love when he does his chinese accent.

I love Eric, the way he mumbles and I can barely understand him half the time. I'm usually reading his lips and when he turns away I'm like "uhhh... *nods*".

I love Adam, how he never gets off the field even though he's gasping for air and looking like he's going to collapse.

I love Tri, he's so frickin lazy on the field and yet does a marvelous job of defending and handling the disc. Poetry in motion.

I love Sonia, how everytime I throw a long bomb to her she manages to catch it. One time I threw a pass intended for Janet and Sonia caught it! She reads the pass very well.

I love Jeff, and his Starsky and Hutch impressions. DU IT! DU IT!

I love Eugene, and his willingness to learn. He's caught on so quickly over the past couple of weeks.

I love Erin, and her towering height. She'll catch any high pass!

I love Lee, and the irony he brings. I'm glad that I finally get to play with him, my initial hope in the first place.

And lastly, I love you who read all the way to the end.

What about me, you ask? Well, for anybody who knows me, they would say that I make a fine addition to the team.

GO 30 FOOT! HOO-AH!!!

sigh

2005-05-24T20:04:00.000-05:00

So I've finally semi-officially switched to the better blog site. As my first semi-official post, I would like to make it known that this site is still a work in progress and that the layout is prone to change at anytime. You need not panic, however, as I'm still learning CSS and it's just me messing around in order to learn more gooder. I think I'm going to miss xanga *gasp* in the way that there was a sense of community there... but there was too much rigidness and limitations on the freedom of design. Google doesn't mess around with this "premium membership" crap and instead offers almost all of xanga's premium services for free. That was the main reason for me switching over. That, and the fact that everybody can comment on my posts now, instead of just members of the community. Isn't that exciting? No? Well, my mom says I'm cool.